I can't pick the point at which the new Zelda turned from being a somewhat tedious slog to a blissful experience - but I suspect it was when a baboon spanked its arse in my face. That made me laugh - a lot. In fact, despite the darker-than-usual storyline, there's a lot to laugh at; incidental characters like the Fortune Teller and the flamboyant Cucco master add a lot to the giggles.

All the Zelda regulars are here, Mazes that have you running around in pointless circles until you get off your arse and map the buggers out. Dungeons that are a perfect mix of "whaaaaa?" and "aaaaaah!" Familiar weapons and upgrades, with the occasional tweak; the upgrade for the old hookshot is a pleasant surprise, and works like a charm. Likewise, the boomerang gets a bit of a makeover, and the inventory screen gets tarted up and is a treat. There's plenty to satisfy our obsessive compulsive side too - Heart Pieces a-plenty, along with the usual Poes and a few other little collect-em-ups which initially shock in scope before you realise that it's 5am and you've just spent the last 8 hours roaming Hyrule...

Boss battles are epic, engaging, visually delicious and - above all - fun; more Wind Waker than Ocarina. And taking another leaf from it's immediate predecessor, there's a fantastic boss battle redux near the end of the game which reminds you of all the goodness that has come before.

And that's the thing about this latest Zelda installment - it knows exactly what it is, and where it's come from; there's a certain self-assuredness about it. But it's learnt from the mistakes of earlier games, too - there are no overly obscure puzzles, no trekking across the map for no reason, and there's certainly no fucking annoying bosses (Bongo Bongo, I'm looking at you). It all just effortlessly flows along, dragging you blissfully in its wake.

Twilight Princess is just packed full of Moments - extravagant boss battles, great storytelling, arse slaps, character entrances, the thrill of the new and the familiarity of the old. You will spend hours fishing for the sheer enjoyment. Then we have initially oddball action sequences that, as in Mario 64, just seamlessly blend right into the game. The first time you stream onto Hyrule field atop a motion-blurred Epona, sword drawn, hacking evil minions… akin to the first steps onto Hyrule field as young Link in Ocarina, it is (or will be) one of those Gaming Moments that you'll never forget.

Of course, the benefit of having not one, but two platonic love interests (the rather plain Zelda and the fiery hotness of the eponymous Twilight Princess) for our effeminate hero merely adds two inches of sweet, sweet icing to an already calorific cake.

So - is this game perfect? Hell no - to attain that status, I shouldn't have had to hunt out orange rupees like a madman to complete one sub-quest, nor had that dull intro, and the end-game would have involved more female nakedness. You could argue that it's too easy, too linear or even that it's just a GameCube port.

And you know what? You’d be right (apart from "too easy." Possibly the most rock-fucking-hard Zelda moment ever is hidden in there.)

But you know what?

And pay attention, because this is the really important part:

It's a really, really, fun game.

I've spent 75 hours and four AA batteries traipsing around the world of Twilight Princess, and I'm not bored yet... nor am I finished. And nor has it stopped providing me with FUN. It is packed full of the Original Spirit and it all adds up to the deepest, most complete experience of 2006.

February 2007

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