Blazing Star

I really should be sat here attempting to learn a little German.

I'm not. It's not that I can't be arsed (okay maybe it’s because I can't be arsed, just partially) but I'd rather sit here playing video games.

I've had a shitty day at the office and once again my personal life is in turmoil (another story altogether) so what better way to chill out and remove all that pent up stress and aggression than boot up the laptop, hook it up to the TV, load up MAME and shoot some shit. It has to be on the TV screen – computer monitors are just wrong for this stuff.

This...

We all have our own ways of unwinding after a shitty day. A few pints down the pub, yoga, therapy, herbal baths, herbal cigarettes hell, some people might even enjoy learning a foreign language. Not me though - I shoot some shit and that usually does the trick. The German can bloody well wait until tomorrow.

I've recently been shooting shit in the gorgeous scrolling shoot em up that is Blazing Star released back in 1998 for SNK’s Neo Geo console.

Now I never owned a Neo Geo. Hardly surprising really - not a lot of people did -because they used to cost around the same price as a full night with a high-class prostitute complete with bag of the finest grade cocaine (I hope my mother doesn’t read this). But the thing is that we can all discover what the Neo Geo had to offer via the magic of emulation. Mame – I love you. And now I’m beginning to wonder if I made a mistake always opting for an evening of cocaine fuelled filth with an expensive hooker (now I really hope my mother doesn't read this).

...or this? Tough choice. Cocaine not pictured.

Blazing Star is a shining example of why the Neo Geo is the most lusted after console in history. It is quite frankly beautiful. The backdrops are packed with amazing attention to detail and include Sandstorms blowing in the desert, red clouds charging across the sky and random debris floating through space. The aliens are varied and beautifully drawn with the Neo Geo's famous sprite scaling used to really good effect, the bosses are as big, colourful and bad as you'll find in any game and you've got six funky little player ships to choose from each, in classic style, with slightly different strengths and weaknesses.

Okay enough spooging over the graphics - after all it's only a videogame and not a beautiful women with whom you’re about to realize your wildest fantasies. How does the thing play?

For the love of Christ woman, can’t you see I’m trying to play a game here?

I don't know why but some shoot em ups just feel “right”. There must be a special training course that SNK programmers go on because this one feels almost perfect. It may be tricky to put your finger on exactly why it feels so right, but it just does. It eases you in gently (a bit like that high-class prostitute) and the first two levels lead you into a false sense of security before things start hotting up. But when they do they're hot enough to cook with (just like… Oh, hi Mum) and would give even the most hardened Ikaruga player a run for their money. There's the usual score boosting stuff here - power ups, bonus items, chaining et al and this is more than enough to keep you having 'one last game'. And when you’ve been through it a few times there’s still the huge challenge of trying to finish it on just one credit. Oh, and when you start getting cocky, just to bring you back down to earth the top boys are getting scores well into the millions. Keep practising.

Any bad points? Well the sounds not great. The explosions aren't bad but the music’s rather repetitive as is the annoying bitch who keeps shouting 'bonus' at you every time you pick up an errrrm bonus which is like all the bloody time.

That’s nice dear…

If you’re a fan of shoot em ups it's a crime not to get hold of some of the Neo Geo roms. If you’re not a fan, get them anyway and prepare to be converted. SNK pushed the machine, and videogaming, to it’s limits with a lot of the software and certain titles even to this day are as good and beautiful as 2D gaming gets. Real, actual, proper timeless works of art – there should be a section for them at the Tate.

Blazing Star is one of the examples why the Neo Geo was so ahead of it's time, so damn expensive and so lusted after (it was basically an arcade board in a console sized box and arguably the only console ever to bring a 100% true arcade experience into the home). You owe it to yourself to get hold of it even if it's just to see why true Neo Geo collectors part with obscene amounts of money.

Yeah some things haven't changed. The price of a Neo Geo console with controller, plus a few carts would still get you a full night with an exotic lady and something with which to powder your nose. After playing some of the Neo Geo gems such as Blazing Star and giving it some serious thought I know which one I'd go for ­ although I still don’t think my mother would approve.

XSTREME, April 2004.

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