Sports City

I used to play squash when I was younger. (If I tried to play it now I think my heart and/or lungs would explode.) The time was nineteen-eighty-something and the venue was Sports City, a new gym complex that had opened on the wrong side of the tracks in Dubbo (figuratively and literally - I had to cross the railway line to get there and the local brothel was next door).

Sports City consisted of two levels of squash courts. On the ground floor there was also an aerobics room, a spa, a sauna, and a weights room. (I never went into the weights room except when it was empty, and only then in order to sit on one of the exercise/torture machines and listen to Samantha Fox singing "Touch Me" on the piped-in stereo. I'd taped it off the radio and it ended "You're listening to 2DU and that was Sam Fox with her hit [snap... hisss]").

Scragg end and half a pound alright

I'd usually ride down to Sports City after school on my trusty Super Maxi and pay AU$2 to use the courts until the grown-ups' competitions started in the evening. Sports City boasted three attractions; a bit of ball-whacking, girls, and the bank of arcade machines under the stairs next to the aerobics room (where I'd often peer in to see a young guy in a pair of baggy blue plastic pants spinning on his hand or trying to perfect his helicopter).

The ball whacking usually consisted of me, on my own, hitting a yellow dot back and forth, first on the forehand and then on the backhand. Yellow dots were for serious players (like me) and had to be warmed up before they would "play" properly. Red dots were for amateurs and were slightly more inflated - you could just grab one and go for it (although after they had warmed up they would become too bouncy). Green dots were, well, you wouldn't be seen dead with a green dot.

Fast balls our the meadows

The girls consisted of Tracy, Maree, Mandy, and Kylie.

Tracy showed some interest in me and we did some hand-holding but nothing ever really came of it (and I have one particularly bizarre memory of her from a slumber party. Amongst the huddled bodies on the floor I heard Tracy's new ‘friend’ Perry (who obviously thought everyone was asleep) politely and quietly ask "can I suck your tits?" She took it pretty well and he may have even pulled it off, but my head was buried too far under my pillow by that stage to know for sure.)

Maree was a bit older if not wiser than the rest of us (she bought her own peach cooler and drank regularly on the weekends) and she later famously had a session in the shower at my house with my mate Simon when my parents were away.

Mandy wasn't my type but if I had of overlooked that and shown some interest it could have been me that she went on to have a well-documented oral adventure with in the spa.

Kylie was, well, you wouldn't be seen dead with Kylie.

The arcade machines consisted of two-player Karate Champ, Yie Ar Kung Fu, Pooyan, Elevator Action, Spy Hunter, Ghosts 'n' Ghoblins, a laser disk game where you flew a ship down some canyons, and more that I've forgotten. I was pretty good at Karate Champ and could knock out the bonus screen bull with a well-timed reverse punch. The fan-girl though on Yie Ar Kung Fu got me every time. I loved Pooyan so much I begged my grandmother to buy me the C64 version for my birthday ("well there's no way that I can tell anyone that I bought my grandson a ‘Pooyan’, so I'll just have to make something up.") Elevator Action probably doesn't need any introduction, but if you aren't familiar with it; it's a combination of a James Bond movie and Die Hard. Ghosts 'n' Goblins is simply one of my favourite games of all time. Finally, the laser disk game was, well, you wouldn't be seen dead with the laser disk game.

Squash, girls, games

Its funny what sticks with you and how your perspective can change. At the time, I'm sure I went to Sports City for the squash firstly, secondly for the girls, and then the games fitted in around everything else. When I look back, I actually miss playing Karate Champ much more than any fleeting opportunity I may have had with Tracy. If I was given the choice to go back and be part of Mandy's oral adventure or to be able to say now that I had finished Ghosts 'n' Goblins, I'd vote for G 'n' G. I'd rather be able to say that I had finally kicked the arse of the fan-girl from Yie Ar Kung Fu than had a session in the shower with Maree.

My memories of videogames keep delivering up new delights for me.

And I don't think about squash at all.

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