Golf and the DS. What can possibly go wrong?
By Ahchay

I am not a sportsman. I do not kick balls. Or run. I certainly do not jump. I will not hold a racquet, a club or a bat unless under extreme duress. I do not understand the offside rule, or know the difference between a Googly and a Yorker. Nor do I worry about such things - I am happy to stop reading the paper after the bit with the telly, secure and safe in my sport-free life.

Not Chris. Not yesterday.

Why is it then that I find videogame golf to be such a pleasant distraction? I’ve bought dozens of golf games, on dozens of platforms, covering everything from the hyper-realism of the Links series through to the utter insanity of Fuzzy’s Space Golf and pretty much every point in between. I have even considered buying a PSP purely on the strength of Everybody’s Golf. Football, cricket, rugby and motor sports games don’t hold this appeal, just golf. Why?

Mainly, I guess, it’s because golf is comfort gaming at its finest. You don’t need to actually be any good, you don’t really need to concentrate – just point in the general direction of the flag, pick the right club, click, click and click again and you’re away. Repeat 70 times or so and you’re done. No worry, no stress, take as much time as you need. Throw in a nicely undulating bit of greenery and a bit of simulated birdsong and I’m happy. Not that complicated is it?

And yet it’s something that game after game gets horribly and utterly wrong. Golfing videogames have changed from being a gentle stroll through the countryside with Peter Alliss into an overtly trashified extreme sport with skill-shots, power-ups and secret routes replacing the gentle art of club selection, shot placement and adjusting for wind.

So Touch Golf then?

It’s golf Jim.

The DS has a great golf game hidden inside those dual screens. The stylus is a natural ‘mini golf club’, multiple camera angles are a cinch, hell, even the microphone and touch screen could be utilised in Wario-style ways.

And, y’know, Touch Golf is a good effort – presentation is ace, touch control works (even if it’s slightly too simple), the courses are pleasant places to spend time on, and you can outfit your golfer in the campest costumes since the Village People last stomped across a stage. It is, in pretty much every respect, a perfectly competent modern golf game. No birdsong though, but I can forgive it for that.

What do you mean ‘camp’?

But it’s not the great golf game that the DS is capable of. Best start saving for that PSP…

December 2005

Comments.