Smack My Bitch Up.
By PVB
So, Nintendogs then. Shit name obviously, but what about the game? To find out, we asked an early importer for his impressions of the Japanese version…
WotR:
Nintendogs? Why should we care?
PVB:
Well, it’s a puppy simulator.
You care for the puppies, feeding them, playing games with them, walking them. Stuff like that. Sort of like those Tamagotchi things, but the puppies don’t die if you neglect them.
Keep away from my bog roll you little sod!
WotR:
Shame. How many dog breeds can you choose from?
PVB:
Three at the start of the game, with other breeds available later, to a maximum of 15 (Japanese version, US and UK have more, 18 – I think). You can have three puppies in your house at once, or you can send them off to stay at a hotel if you want more.
WotR:
Hoorah for us! Are they all nice friendly dogs or can we have a mean one that can beat up all the other dogs like in GTA?
PVB:
No, no drive by shootings here. The puppies do have several personality types you can choose from, so you could have a shy one, an energetic one, a stubborn one, etc. It depends how difficult you want the training to be.
WotR:
Training? Doesn’t sound much fun.
PVB:
Nah, it’s great, one of the best bits of the game. You train the puppy to obey your commands, with either stylus or voice control. You start by teaching the puppy its name, repeating it several times until it remembers. Then you can train it to do things, such as sit, roll over, etc. You must keep the tone and volume of your voice even each time though, or it won’t recognise it.
Roll over... Roll OVER! ROLL FUCKING OVER!
WotR:
Not much use on the train then. What else can you do to them then?
PVB:
You get to walk them around your neighbourhood, where you can find items for your puppy to play with or use, training areas for the contests your puppy can enter and parks where you can play with other dogs. They go to the toilet as well…
WotR:
So you have to clear up after your little darling then?
PVB:
Yup, you see them wee and you have to put the poo in a paper bag, otherwise the neighbours come out and complain, which makes the puppy sad.
Take all the time you need. Tum-tee-tum…. <looks away, whistling>
WotR:
Wish real dogs were like that. Why not just let the mutt use a litter tray or something?
PVB:
Ah, but if you don’t go for walkies then you won’t find the toys that Shigsy has so thoughtfully left out for you. Frisbees, radio controlled helicopters, a skipping rope…..hats….
WotR:
We’ll let ‘walkies’ slide for now. Hats?! Dogs don’t wear hats!
PVB:
They can in this. Bow ties and sunglasses as well, but only one object on a puppy at any one time.
WotR:
Well, it takes all sorts. What about these competition things?
PVB:
Well, you enter competitions to win money and increase your owner points.
Money is used to buy food, items and new dogs and apartment styles. The usual collect ‘em all stuff really. And getting lots of owner points opens up other breeds of dog and apartment styles you can choose.
The German Shepherd. A man’s dog. Not one of those girly Chihuahua
things.
WotR:
So that’s it then, walk the dog, win competitions, dress the dog in silly hats, clean shit off the streets…
PVB:
Not at all. There’s loads to do. You can use the items you buy/find on walks to play with your puppies in the apartment or in parks on the walking route.
For instance, one of the first items you get is the skipping rope. One dog holds one end of the rope, you hold the other end with your stylus, and then you circle the stylus on screen to make the other puppies skip. You can use most items in the parks when on walks too.
WotR:
Any secret things to find?
PVB:
A few items and one breed of dog. The items and breeds are different for each region and version.
Some items you need to get from other Nintendogs owners though by meeting another DS Nintendogs owner and connecting via wireless. You then get each puppy to take an item over to the other DS.
WotR:
Um…can the dogs fight?
PVB:
You’re obsessed. No. Not in wireless mode. But, if you meet strange dogs while out walking they might fight, but no injuries are caused, it just makes your puppy sadder.
A happy dog, yesterday.
WotR:
Poor puppy. How do you win?
PVB:
You can’t. There isn’t an end to it. You just keep looking after your puppies day after day...after day. Until you get fed up and delete them.
WotR:
So, there you have it. Nintendogs, not so much a game as a relaxation aid with attitude.
November 2005
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