Nothing is as good as other things.
By Koworld
"Four out of Ten."
That’s the mark GamesTM gave Lego Star Wars. We spoke to Group Editor Simian Simone and asked his team to rate a selection of other stuffs:
The love of a child
5/10
“Although reliable and constant, significant maintenance is required to ensure useful regular contact. Also nappies detract from the overall experience. ”
Finding £50 down the back of the sofa
3/10
“It’s your money probably and the finding of it merely serves to remind you of the many things you could have used this fifty for in the time in which it was lost. Almost certainly these events would include buying the music of Leonard Cohen and having some Russian food.”
Your lucky pants actually working
5/10
“Sure the sex may be rewarding but you will still be aware that your chosen undercrackers were not the best they could be.”
Torvill and Dean’s Olympic Comeback
4.6
“Yes technically they were outstanding, and of course to return after ten years is extraordinary but really? Ice Skating?” (Actually, I'll give 'em that one.)
Pina Coladas
2/10
“Over-rated 1970s cocktail staple.”
And getting caught in the rain
1/10
“When could that ever be fun?”
Getting a blowjob within five minutes of the first date
4/10
“That spasming boost of man cream, delivered right onto the throat back-canvass might be rewarding at the time but what does the whole event say about the potential morals of your date? Risk taking is all very well for Hollywood Film Stars but we’d much rather walk the ulimately safer line of a quietly disappointing fission of empty potential.”
And here is the Rodent score for Lego Star Wars:
Lego Star Wars
Four stars
“Sure it’s mental, yes there’s a lot of wandering about and it’s really short, and fine, okay, it’s probably been made with kids in mind. But the grins you’ll get from chopping off a blocky C3P0’s arm and from killing JarJar Binks are huge. The joy you’ll feel when you realize this game is connecting you with the way you felt about Star Wars back when you were a kid, and the sheer fun of smashing up pretend Lego, these things will have you bouncing around the living room going ‘bwoosh, fnoop, ktisshhh, zzzzzzrrr’ with your pretend lightsaber. That’s worth four stars alone. Play this one with your kids on co-op mode too and you’ll make a connection worth more than money. Lego Star Wars is great and GamesTM are stupid.”
May 2005
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