Jewel Quest

Fuck me, not another bloody Bejewelled style "match the tiles" game? Well just hold on there cowboy, this one is different. Ok, granted, if this sort of game really isn't your bag then you're not going to be swayed - but it's definitely worth a look. You see, I'm on your side. I've never really enjoyed tile matching games such as Bejewelled, they just seem a little samey and too luck oriented. Zoo Keeper had a good stab at being different, but still it didn't really grab me. Aside from spending what seemed like days trying to get a high score, there just wasn't anything to actually "do".

Doesn't look much does it?

This is where Jewel Quest is different. Ok, it may look like an Amiga game from the 1920's and yes, the music is all too Indiana Jones and epic for its own good, but we can see past that cant we chums? The basic premise is this; like other games of this type you have to match similar styled tiles into lines of 3 or more by switching the position of any two tiles on the board. However, in this game to pass each level you have to have matched a tile on each of the actual gameboard squares, so all of a sudden it matters *where* you match the tiles rather than just matching wherever you can. This may sound minor, but it adds a very nice tactical edge to the game that makes a HUGE difference. The challenge becomes more evident on the later levels where you get tricky little single file corners that take a lot of thought to get a match anywhere near them - but when you do, it's a great feeling of achievement, not dissimilar to the feeling when you finally manage to find a passage in an EDGE article that actually talks about the fucking game in question rather than wanking itself with a fat thesaurus. Ahem….where were we?

There are only about 40 levels or so in the game, but to add significant replay value there are 5 "ranks" of play, gradually unlocked each time you complete the levels. At the higher difficulty levels you have extra challenges to deal with, such as tiles that need to be "unbroken" before they can be matched, nasty bomb style tiles (which get right on your tits if you let them overrun the board) and levels where each tile has to be matched twice to complete. All in all, its enough to keep you wanting to get to the next rank (and of course the achievement points for each rank help as well for all us achievement point whores out there).

It is quite repetitive, I think that's unavoidable in a game such as this, but while it lasts it is a great little game that will keep you relaxed and frustrated in equal measure. Give the demo a try and see what you think.

Marble Blast Ultra

About six quid will net you this delightful example of what Super Monkey Ball might well have been like were there no monkeys involved. Marble Blast follows the same principles, however; get from where you are to the exit in any way possible, as quickly as possible, utilising a range of power-ups to help get you there.

No monkeys required

Delightfully, many of the levels have been designed so as to allow you to experiment with finding alternative routes to the exit - a particular favourite of mine involving choosing to spring from one end of the map, bounce off a narrow beam and land on the other side of the map rather than painstakingly negotiating a fiddly, tricky series of beams containing really annoying bumper things that cause you to fall and gnash and all that.

Marble Blast revolves around a simple concept, which is implemented in a simply brilliant way. All this and we've not even mentioned the multiplayer, which is far more fun than it has any right to be...

Uno

Available from Live Marketplace for whatever tiny amount of pennies 400 credits equals in real money. It's the classic card game in 100% fathful reproduction, except, wonderfully, you're playing here against perfect strangers (or the computer) rather than having to get beat by your kids or by the missus. The main advantage of this is that you can mutter 'cunt', 'twat' and 'oh you fucking bell end' as much as you want without getting a slap off your Mum. Uno is a game of semi-skill: you're dealt a hand of cards and you have to try to get rid of them faster than anyone else. That's it. And it is wonderfully absorbing - mindless, repetetive level-up action. It's as action-packed as that spoof-RPG in which you do nothing other than press one button endlessly but UNO manages to be utterly compelling. I've been at the office and found myself counting the minutes until I can go home and improve my win numbers or my ratios or my 'TrueSkill' ranking.

The HD gaming revolution is here!

£400 I paid for my 360 a week ago and almost nothing else has had a look in.

Galaga/Frogger/Pacman/Time Pilot etc

Why on earth should you spend good points just to play games that, in all likelihood, you've already bought and played to death on every gaming system you've ever owned? Why not just stick with MAME?

For one very simple reason. The games are still - warts and all - the same as they ever were. With the same strengths and, too often, the same weaknesses. But the Xbox Live Leaderboards instantly save these games from 'retro' fanwankery and puts them back where they belong - in the arcade where the only thing that matters is getting a better score than your mates. Short-lived fun maybe, but fun nonetheless.

10p on the glass son

Mutant Storm

Mutant Storm works in a vaguely similar vein to Geometry Wars with the whole twin-stickery affair but the game is divided up into 89 seperate rooms, rather than being one continuous slog - each room has the same spawn points every time you play it, with the addition of an occasional horizontal or vertical flip of the level to throw you off the scent.

Adventure Mode sees you attempt to slog through the entire game in one go - clearing enough levels without dying unlocks harder difficulty levels (represented by belts in a martial arts stylee); die enough and you'll go back down a belt to hopefully make the game more manageable for you; whereas Tally Mode acts almost as a practice run for the game proper - you have to finish each level to unlock the next, but once they are all unlocked you can repeatedly play any level at any belt, which hopefully saves you from doing what I do - getting to room 37 on your first life in Adventure Mode and then failing miserably to get any further with the six or so you've accumulated throughout the game.

Both games offer something different besides their inherent similarities, but to be honest you don't need to buy both.

If you're tight, or you prefer the retro side of things, go for Smash TV instead at a measly 400 points. Beware though - it is horrendously difficult and will make you cry.

Shooty.

Texas Hold 'Em

A friend of mine once asked me if I could get him a fruit machine to play on at home. I never really understood why - after all, what enjoyment can you get out of slot machines when you don't have the possibility of winning your beer money for the night?

Videogame poker suffers from the same problem, something that Texas Hold 'Em tries to recognise by tying you in to a once-in-a-lifetime bankroll that you cannot reset. It's very nearly successful, but it does make the game extremely dull to play 'well'. In order to protect your pot, you (essentially) have to fold more hands than you play. Reducing most games to an exercise in pressing the 'B' button and waiting for the hand to unfold. Inevitably you will, out of sheer boredom, go 'All In' on a three and a nine in the vain hope that you'll get lucky and you will lose your entire stake - forcing you to play on the leper's table until you build it up again.

And yet I've taken to playing a few hands of this as a winding down exercise for those times when I can't be bothered playing something strenuous. Make of that what you will.

September 2006

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