I love summer. Why? It's because the release schedules are shit. Next to nothing worthwhile gets released, which means I don't even have to consider spending fortunes on high-profile games.

Here's another reason I love summer. In their desperation to shift surplus stock for the upcoming autumn/winter rush, games stores are discounting like madmen. WH Smith in particular have been beneveolent beyond the call of duty. Pop in next time you're walking past. You'll see.

This is what I've bagged this month. And all for the total cost of one XBox 360 retail release. Ha.

The Chronicles of Riddick - Escape From Butcher Bay Developer's Cut (PC)

The Chronicles of Riddick is a fantastic game. The film - not so much. Bit of overblown, pretentious arse, really.

The DVD will cost you about six quid. If you run down to WH Smith, you can get the PC game for the unbelievably stupid price of £2.99.

If you only buy one Vin Diesel product in your life (and it's probably wise to do so, although it's OK to be given Pitch Black as a gift), make it this one. Fantastic.

I guess you've made your point...

Kya: Dark Lineage (PS2)

Let's face it, Kya: Dark Lineage is the sort of game that doesn't sell well. I, Tightwad, am just like you, and the likes of us are not likely to shell out thirty quid on a game that features a cute teenage girl jumping around a green and pleasant alien land. That's a shame, in a way, because Kya: Dark Lineage is one of the better games of this type. If you liked Beyond Good & Evil , this is well worth the fiver that GAME are asking for it.

"Are you saying I'm cheap?"

Ribbit King (PS2)

I don't much like frogs.

When I was a kid, I picked up what I thought was a rock, and it was, in fact, a frog or a toad. Something slimy that hopped, anyway. I damn near shit myself.

Ribbit King is a game where you play Frolf. It's a golf game. But it's Japanese and quirky. So instead of belting a little white ball with a stick, you get to twat a frog with a hammer.

Five quid well spent, in my book.

Go on. Belt seven shades out of it.

Syberia 2 (PS2/XBox)

Bloody hell, who plays adventure games these days? Well, anyone with any sense, and a tolerance for a slower pace (and a lot of pointing and clicking) should play Syberia 2. It's utterly lovely, with a quite moving storyline. The only problem is, it's bettered by the original Syberia, which is only available on the PC. If you get this, you'll at least see the conclusion of the story, and it's only a fiver. Or, you could try and track down the Collectors Edition on the PC, and get both games for the same five pounds. Either way, if you want a quality story-driven adventure, this is one of the best.

Bugger off. I'm eating my sandwiches.

Bombastic (PS2)

Are puzzle games the most annoying games out there? Christ, there's nothing worse than knowing what you need to do, but not being able to figure it out in time. That said, some of them do provide more than a modicum of fun, and Bombastic is one such game. I'd rather roll dice to win money, but rolling them to cause big explosions comes a pretty good second. Sound alright? A fiver to you, squire.

Perhaps curry wasn't the best idea, after all

Under The Skin (PS2)

Look, Capcom. We appreciate that you give us a variety of games. We love that you don't just stick to your mainstream cash cows, that you take risks in order to give us diversity and real entertainment. But what the hell were you playing at with Under The Skin? Quirky is all very well, but it has to be good, too. Under The Skin is four quid at GAME. Save your money, or, if you want quirky and Capcom, trek down to Gamestation, fork out the extra quid and get Killer7 instead.

Panic time? Damn right it was, when I realised I'd wasted four quid.

Killer7 (PS2)

I remember reading the reviews of this when it first came out. My initial thoughts were, "Looks interesting, but I'm not risking that much money on something that mental". Well, my tolerance has paid off. Gamestation now have it for £4.99, and I'll tell you what, it's well worth giving it a shot at that price. A mish-mash of all kinds of styles, it ends up being completely its own entity. You really should experience it, and at this price, there's no reason not to.

She's mean, she's moody, she's covered in blood. Just how I like my women.

Baldur's Gate 4 Disc Box Set (PC)

Christ. If you like killing orcs, dressing in sacks and finding gold in curiously-left-unattended treasure chests, your ship has well and truly come in. I mean, this may cost you all of a tenner, but it's the ultimate timesink for beardy RPG nerds, I mean, discerning Tightwads. Four, count 'em, FOUR Baldur's Gate adventures (two originals, two expansion packs). That's only £2.50 each, and I can justify that, and there's enough quality and gameplay here to last you for months and months. Even I can see that that's great value.

And it burns, burns, burnnnns...

Bujingai Swordmaster (PS2)

What the hell is this? Back when I was a lad, the main character in a game might be a man, or it might be a mole, or an egg, or a thing on a spring, but at least you always knew what it was. Bujingai Swordmaster places you in the rather effete shoes of a man-woman thing. I mean, it's a man who chooses to look like a woman, so you're never quite sure of yourself. Part Devil May Cry, part Prince of Persia, part Olympic floor exercise, it's a stylish bit of hacking, slashing button mashing, but with added irritants, like unskippable cut scenes. Oh, and it starts with a hilarious non-interactive tutorial, which must be the first time I've ever seen a game try to teach you what to do, without letting you actually do it. For a fiver from Gamestation, it's probably worth a punt, if you like all that spinning-around-in-the-air-with-swords nonsense.

Swish-swoosh! Aren't I pretty?

I was going to say, "that's all", but "all" hardly covers it. I've done you a service that would cost an arm and a leg elsewhere, so just be fucking grateful. Not many others would go trudging round every High Street store, sifting through the tat, just so that you don't go wasting your money. Now piss off, and buy some cheap games. Alright

September 2006

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