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Puzz-what?
By PaulEMoz
Fuck you, Nintendo, and fuck you, too, Mitchell Corporation. Mitchell Corporation? Who the hell are you, anyway? And how dare you release a game that causes me physical discomfort and pain?
What's my problem? I've been playing their game, Magnetica. A lot. It's like Puzz Loop. Or Zuma. Or any of those other stop-the-oncoming-marbles-in-their-tracks games. And here's the thing: I fucking hate puzzle games.
But this one almost isn't a puzzle game. It's all about action. It's almost a shoot-'em-up, really. It's so simple. And yet it makes you think like a Mastermind contestant. Not that you really need to be clever. You just need to strategise. Work out how to make the best chains. Because if you don't, those marbles will roll right down the hole at the end of the track, and you'll have to start again. It'll make you mad.
And tonight, your specialist subject will be "The Destruction of Coloured Balls Through Chaining".
But no matter how mad you get, you'll hit Start again. It's impossible to put this away, having let it get the better of you. Once you start the Quest mode, you can only turn the game off once you've beaten a level. That's not a design flaw: you could feasibly stop playing at any time. It's just something that's built into your brain. Try it. You'll see.
I don't even care that there are two other game modes. I played Puzzle mode for a while, and it was OK. I played Challenge mode for quite a bit, trying for a high score. But eventually, I got a bit bored with that. Maybe I'll go back to it later. But the Quest mode is doing my head in.
Balls.
It's ninety-nine levels of addictive hell. Ninety-nine different racks of coloured balls, all rolling relentlessly on, steamrollering any thoughts you might have of an early night. Christ, I played level five for over an hour before I cracked it. I thought I had it, once, but because I'm right handed and the balls were at the right edge of the screen, I made a mistake right at the end and lost. BASTAAAAARD! But finally, I beat that level. I'm alright, now.
I've just finished another lengthy session, and called it quits for the night. I walked up the stairs in the dark, and when I blinked, I saw lots of coloured balls. My right wrist, thumb and index finger ache as though I've just had an over-vigorous wank. And yet, as I sit here writing this, I'm eyeing up my DS Lite. I know I'm going to have another go before I go to bed. I have to be up early for work. I'm going to be knackered.
Fucking game. I love it.
November 2006
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