| I
love this game.
I love this game because of Wario’s naughty
little cackle, Yoshi’s friendly hiccup-speak, Baby Bowser’s
cheeky snigger, Mario’s ongoing Joe Dolce thing.
I love this game because, although it doesn’t
have the full-tilt adrenaline fizz of, say, F-Zero GX, it compensates
with better characters and better music and an enduring edge of
cartoon heart and soul.
I love this game because of Mushroom Cup, Level
Three – Baby Park. A short, sharp little oval which you
will skid and screech round and round and round, and spin off
on stoopid banana skins and get squished by giant spiky shells
and bundle dumbly into decoy item boxes and suffer sudden up-the-arse
prangs from crazy-ricocheting green and red shells, and you will
start the final lap in first place and finish it in last and you
will say: “Thank you, sir. May I have another?”.
I love this game because nowhere else in my
life do I get to abuse a TV screen with the phrase: “Fucking
Kong!”
”Haul your ass, Shell Boy!”
I love this game because it’s another
Nintendo instant classic – light and accessible, but alive
with hidden treats and subtle pleasures – all beautifully
tailored to your increasing skillz level.
I love this game because it makes me smile.
It doesn’t feel like I’m wrestling with an overcooked
control system or speed-calculating through some esoteric score
multiplier voodoo. It feels like I’m having fun.
I love the Ben Hur bustle and tussle of multiplayer
mode, and the devious tactics that come so naturally… Timing
the drop of a decoy box so that it lines up with a group of genuine
power-ups… clunking someone from behind with a shell and
hitting them again with another as you zoom past… the black
art of banana-distribution (just before the finish line, on the
outside edge of a tricky corner, hidden just beyond a batch of
item boxes, just over the brow of a hill, straight after a crucial
speed-boost).
”Fondling my breeches, staring
at the Peaches…”
I love the two-riders-in-one-kart thing –
particularly in multiplayer co-op mode, where one person does
the driving while the other chucks out the hazards. I especially
love the way that duties can only be switched if both players
synchronise their presses of the change-over button.
Most of all, I love this game because I know
it will always love me.
When my life hits those inevitable slump-spots
– illness, grief, angst, whatever – I know that a
game like Mario Kart: Double Dash will always be there –
frothy, full of life, cheery, colourful, as complicated as I want
it to be…
And that’s a kick. That’s a comfort.
RODENT CASH RATING -
"40 quid"
 "As
ol’ Rabbie Burns said – do or die!"
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here to comment on this review
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