The Zone.
It's a wonderful place. It's the best place a gamer can be. However, it's not a place that can easily be described. Best attempts would say it's what happens when you're playing a game and become so involved in what you're doing that everything else becomes tuned out. It's just you and the game, and nothing else seems to exist at that point in time.
Only certain games can put you in The Zone. You tend to find that a good twitchy shooter will do that to you. Maybe an intense racer can have that effect. Other types of game just can't do it. Take RPGs, for instance. The most avid role playing gamer may get extremely involved with the game, but it will never put them in The Zone.
Lose weight with Gradius V!
No, wait….That's not right. Sorry.
Gradius V puts you in The Zone. No, it doesn't put you there. It rips you from your position of safety in front of the TV and firmly dumps you there. In literally seconds, it's just you, your controller and hordes of Bacterian scum. And take it from me, that's just how you're gonna like it.
Speaking of Bacterian scum, they've never been as numerous, frightening or awe-inspiring as they are here. You're faced with a barrage of the beautiful, the ugly and the grotesque, but they're all fodder for your newly flexible multiples. Just getting to grips with this system gives you four times as much play as before, and every multiple/option type is a joy to learn.
Oooooh. Pretty. Swirly. Deadly.
Some may think that Gradius V is being released purely as a nostalgia trip for us thirty-something gamers. That's just not the case. It does a great job of staying faithful to the series, whilst dragging it squarely into the 21 st century. It's as difficult as any Gradius game you could think of, yet because the scoring system is a little more generous, it feels more encouraging. You can even make it easier through the selectable difficulty levels, but anyone that starts below the default setting is a gaming wuss, and should stick to Animal Crossing.
Now, although I love Gradius V and it loves me, I must confess it's something of a strained relationship. If I spend time with the game, it dishes out Credits like a kindly old grandma dishes out sweets, but if I'm not good enough (as is often the case), it smacks my arse with gaming's equivalent of a size 9 sandshoe.
Eeeeee, hello son. Have a Sherbet Lemon.
Not that I need those Credits anyway. I'm a “No Continues” kind of bloke, me. Always have been, always will. It feels like I'm cheating if I continue in a game, like I'm going where I'm not supposed to go. It's like putting your hand up a girl's top after she's said you can't. You shouldn't do it, but the option is there if you want.
Continue? No thanks. I'll have a feel of your tits though, if you don't mind.
Games like this are becoming less and less common. If you're not familiar with the subtleties of the series, then Gradius V will probably make you shit yourself on your first encounter, but persevere and you will soon realise that this is about as good and intense as gaming gets.
I hope Gradius V sells like the hottest cakes in town. Not only because it deserves to, but also because we need more games like this. Big sales figures send a message that even the most cynical executives can't ignore. Do yourself and the gaming world a favour, nip out and get Gradius V at your earliest opportunity.
PAULEMOZ, October
2004.
RODENT CASH RATING -
35 quid.
“Harder than a Glasgow bouncer.”
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