| I like a bit of leaping around as much as the next man (and I’m sitting next to a gymnast), but sometimes I just can’t be bothered to get off my arse and actually go do it.
Games based on the Olympics always sell pretty well, so every four years there’s some kind of guaranteed cash-in to be had. Last time, it was ‘Sydney 2000’. This time, it’s… hang on… ‘Athens 2004’. That’s it. So, is it any good?
If you didn’t know better, you’d swear the developers intended to please you and piss you off at the same time. Some of the ideas here will genuinely take you by surprise – such as the middle distance running. It’s viewed through the eyes of your athlete, in first-person perspective. Which feels really weird at first, but will soon have you grinning like a loon because it really, really works well. But then, there are some major control issues with other events, which make you want to fling your controller at the wall.
We can rebuild it. We have the technology. Just don’t do it again.
You see, in many events you have to hit the X and O buttons for power, and then press the L1 button to do something else (like breathing in the swimming). Thing is, it’s impossible to hammer away at X and O, Track & Field style, and then quickly reach up and, er, around and not press L2 and do it all with perfect timing…
To make matters worse, the controls aren’t redefinable. So you’re constantly stuck in Mediocre Performance Hell, and it’s not even your fault. Oh, and if you haven’t got a dance mat, skip the long, convoluted, complicated gymnastic floor exercises. It’s for your (and your controller’s) own good.
Uma Thurman’s got huge hands. Look at them! Bet she
can’t do the weightlifting, though.
Another example of how they’ve managed to make it irritating yet addictive at the same time is the Equestrian event. If you press the button too late to make a jump, the horse refuses, and two refusals see you disqualified. However, there are linked fences where you have to jump two or three in quick succession. If you clatter the first one, you’re not allowed to attempt the next one, and it counts as a refusal.
I guarantee you this will have you pulling your hair out and grinding your teeth down to little stumps. But, because you don’t want to let that fucking horse get the better of you, you’ll keep on playing until you can at least get the damn thing to the end of the course. In my case, that took about 45 minutes, but I must admit – I did feel a huge wave of satisfaction at the end of it.
Ohhhh… HORSE’S ARSE!
The events without control problems are great. The archery is a pure joy, even though it’s fairly easy to get good at. Most of the athletics events are spot on, too. The skeet shooting is rock hard but maddeningly addictive, and once you’ve let go of those Track & Field habits, waggle-and-chuck events like the Discus and Javelin are surprisingly satisfying.
Cheers, mate.
It’s a right mish-mash, but with 25 events, you’ll certainly get enough out of it to make it more than worth a quick rent – particularly with a few like-minded vibratey-fingered sports loons and a few cans of officially endorsed lager.
PAULEMOZ, August
2004.
RODENT CASH RATING -
25 quid
"Heeyaa-hup!"
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