The crowd roar, the players file out from the tunnel, the ref blows his whistle and – bang! The pitch starts whizzing around the screen like it's been hit by an earthquake. The ball pings from man to man – a bit of swerve here, a lob there, a pixel-perfect pass to a winger flying down the touchline. A smack of the button sees the action change direction – both players intense with concentration, the game zooming along. A foul! The crowd roar once again – a player gets booked, yellow card. Arse.

“Someone get it off! Make it stop!!”

Off again. Bish, bash, bosh. A cross-field ball picks out the lone attacker, a quick joystick-prod controls the ball, and – wap! A stinging shot crashes off the post. It flies out – smash! It's in! GOAL!! Keeper never even saw it. 1 - 0. Time off the clock – 30 secs. Players jump and roll in celebration. Back to the centre circle… kick off. No. 9 jinks past one, and another… blasts a long, arcing shot from 40 yards. “No chance from there…”. Wrong. GOAL!! Time off the clock – 40 secs.

“C’mon, son. Let’s get these shelves up.”

This is a game of KO2 between two decent players. You can't really call it the beautiful game. It’s football played to a techno beat. As a rush of adrenalin, there's little to touch it. After two 5-minute halves, your brain is fried, you need to rest, but you can't. One more game. The goal, this time – revenge. 13 years on, the appeal is still very much alive.

RODENT 'BACK IN THE DAY' CASH RATING - £19.99

"Bring on the Dutch!"

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