Remember that bit in Trainspotting where Begby chucks a pint jug over a balcony? What did you feel in that brief freeze-frame as it plummeted through the air before smashing onto a girl’s head? Was it terror, or was it a brief moment of nervous humour?

It’s easy to scoff, because we can use humour to disguise, accept and come to terms with horror on the big screen. From the impossibly staged humour of seeing Tom having his skeleton pulled out through his mouth by Spike; through the obvious sound-effected thwack of a miraculously un-scarring punch thrown by Eastwood; and onwards up the scale back to that bloodied and screaming face turning to us in Trainspotting we know it’s not real. We know it’s fantastical, we can make faux-groaning and moaning noises, oohing, ahhing, laughing and quipping, “That’s got to hurt…” gestures because, within ourselves, we know it’s not real.

Ever seen a person actually get `glassed’? I was in a pub in Wolverhampton the first time I saw it happen. Half a second. A quick swipe. A small shattering sound. That’s all there was. Half a second, if even that, for a person to turn from an anonymous face at the bar, to a spraying, bloody, fleshy nightmare. Collapsing, gasping; a silent dead-weight falling. Thud. Silence, and then screaming. The screaming of a girlfriend on her knees trying to comprehend what had happened, her skin turning pale, gulping air, violently shaking and then, nothing. A ghostly figure knelt at the side of a prone body with part of their face missing. Shock, real adrenalin laced shock, is a strange state of being. No-one laughed.

Smash, har-har. Oh…

So what’s any of this got to do with games? Simple really, violence is back. It’s in the media and the backlash is going to be getting progressively worse over forthcoming weeks. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas has been released. With much fanfare, in the U.K. it has smashed all previously recorded sales figures in the first week, almost tripling the previous record of GTA:Vice City. 677,000 copies in one week, which is a figure that could put GTA:SA into a position of one of the biggest entertainment releases, not just games, of all time. And that’s all fine, because GTA:SA is a great game and we’re all responsible adults having a bit of a laugh and a jape. Aren’t we?

GTA:SA is certificate18. It’s a criminal offence for a retailer, directly or indirectly, to sell or loan the game to a person under that age. But, we can shrug that off, because after all, “It’s alright, it’s only a game”. I’m no Nanny, if I have kids I want to raise them responsibly and provide an environment in which they can form their own reasoned opinions. If they want to play or watch certificate 18 titles, that’s fine, but I’ll want to make sure they know the consequences of the matters raised.

I personally have no problem with kids playing or seeing certificate 18 titles in responsible environments, naturally I have my own line of tolerance on where that permission would stop for my kids, but the point is: watching a bootleg Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was thirteen did me no harm. At thirteen I knew the distinction between right and wrong, for that I’m thankful to my parents for relaying to me their experiences of life from an early age. Where I do have a problem, though, is the way in which certificate 18 game titles are being retailed to children.

Kids, guns & required educational viewing.

I was in GAME at the weekend, I saw numerous children handing over their cash for a copy of GTA:SA and receiving a nice shiney box unchallenged. By GAME’s account, the same child could walk into an Off-License and buy a litre of Bells (I’d rather they had better taste and bought a malt, but still…). How would retailers react to that? “It’s alright, it’s only booze.” What about, “It’s alright, it’s only `Debbie Takes An 18” Cock Up The Shitter’”…

Every high street retailer has a responsibility to prevent the sale of restricted titles to children. This is what gripes me, in the name of quick profit we are seeing retailers abandoning established and successful guidelines; I find that more disgusting than anything present in any Rockstar game.

I honestly look forward to the day where I can sit down with my kids and play Beat The Whores Senseless 2052. I’ll probably tell them about that glassing incident and scare them a bit, sure, but then they might know the difference between har-har violence and true life-changing terror. That’s my decision, to be made with my children, so if any retail assistant tries to make that decision for me, well, I might just have to dress up as Mario and crowbar their eyes out, or something.

JIMAROID, November 2004

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