I can remember to this day the arcade above the chip-shop in Lampeter. The stairs down the passage that led to the upper floor where the promise of forbidden joys lay… The low lighting, the smoke-filled air, the shite ‘80s music constantly playing in the background, and the uneasy feeling that you might get your fucking head kicked in at any moment if you said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

I can still smell the aroma of the place (fags, chip-fat and Brut 33). I can visualise the rows of machines side by side all blasting out their ‘Play me, big boy!’ music and visuals – Phoenix, Buck Rogers, Scramble, Frogger, Defender and Mr. Do! All of them gagging for me to slip my 10p into their slot.

It came in ‘Bloke’ and ‘Bumfluff Teen’ versions.

The social system of that insular world was well structured and had to be adhered to if you wanted to belong and be accepted. I remember one major rite of passage – fetching fags for one of the big kids. Those were the days when a twelve-year-old could walk into a shop, head held high, and buy a packet of twenty with no scrutiny.

I also remember the types of people that used to hang around there. The older kids with leather jackets, fags hanging out the sides of their mouths… the younger pretenders who wanted to be the older kids… us twelve-year-olds…

And then the girls. Oooh, the girls. I would have given anything to have some of them play with my joystick. Most of them wore painted-on-tight jeans, and gave the distinct impression that they could take all you could offer and still want more. Thankfully, the videogames offered a conduit for the frustration caused by not even being acknowledged by the girls. For a hormone-filled teenager, this place was a little bit Heaven, a little bit Hell.

Jeans today, eh? They’re all fake-faded
and baggy and interesting. We miss the ‘80s.

This leads me on nicely to my first ever sexual encounter. I had just finished a rather good game of Donkey Kong, when this girl decided it would be a good idea to push me in-between the Donkey Kong and the Scramble cabinets. Why she chose me and why then I will never know, but I’m glad she did. She then proceeded to tickle me into submission and forced her hands down my pants. With all of this going on, my brain racing, the blood pumping, machines blaring out music, the little minx shook hands with me. I think the sense of shock saved me from an embarrassing mess. She seemed to know exactly what she was doing and had probably done it before. Then, just at the wrong moment (for me) she decided enough was enough and walked away, laughing, leaving me alone in that small world between those two cabinets, with my jaw on the floor and certain bits of me wanting more.

There I was – in shock – unable to move for a long time. When I eventually regained control of my limbs, I extracted myself from between the cabinets, dizzily trying to grasp what had just happened. Nobody seemed to be looking, and I was worried that my emergence would be greeted by laughter and derision. But there was nothing.

An easily abusable fashion accessory.

I quickly left and ran back to school with a stoop, finishing off the job in the boys’ toilets (one-from-last cubicle from the end - the one where sixth-formers kept their stashes as I was to discover later on. But that’s another story).

I have many other fond memories of that arcade. Sadly, it’s now filled with fruit machines and shell-suits, and the obligatory fat woman who really should not wear man-made clothing sits and glowers at you from within her glass cage. Not quite the same allure as those girls with the tight jeans and leather jackets. I miss that time and I also miss the place.

Still, it’s left me with a few nice associations. If I see an arcade, I still have that little tingle and I always check to see if there is a Donkey Kong or a Scramble cab. Sadly, they’re all too rare, these days.

I do wish she’d warmed up her hands first, though.

SHOB, January 2004.

Comment Here. (Its working again).

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Things to 'Make' and 'Do'.

Learn More than you will ever need to know about Donkey Kong.

And Scramble.

And ‘scrambled eggs’.

Discover for yourself that Girls do like videogames. Well…

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