Call Centre Simulator – The Threat of New Delhi

VodaCock Inc. needs your help to run its Application Support Call Centre in “The North” (where it is grim).

No pressure – but if you don’t start producing a decent profit margin quick sharp, the whole lot will be shipped over to India where some elephants and goats* will run it far better and, most importantly, for less money.

He wants to swallow your vocational soul.

Use your deft resource-management skills with the absolutely fucking nightmarishisly counter-intuitive interface and make all manner of soul-shrivellingly dull decisions.

- Can you make the workplace shimmer with vibrancy and joy – a place where everyone uses a smile as their umbrella against the unceasing downpour of drudgery?

- Can you really afford the high maintenance of those plastic potted plants in the corner of the office?

- Do you absolutely need that brutally cheerful art on the walls?

- How many cups of metallic, stomach-pummelling tea are your workers allowed to sullenly extract from the machine per day?

- Will you discover the secret, unlockable loophole in EC employment legislation that allows you to insist that no worker be allowed to speak to or look another worker in the eye for the duration of their droneish enslavement?

“Hello, this is the Samaritans. I mean, hello – is that the Samaritans?”

Rendered in never-before seen seven-hundred-million polygon character models (so real you can actually see the veins pumping), utilising awesome rag-doll physics (watch-out for the supervisor’s heart attack – see her crumple realistically to the floor), and crowned with the latest 3D sound effects technology from ThirdHere (it’s as if the telephone ringing is actually inside you), the game burrows to a whole new level of deeply worthless micro-management. A level which has never been reached in this kind of game before.

Apart from in that rollercoaster thing.

Delhi Helly. It ain’t half turgid, mum.

*Look we are well aware that actually call-centre staff in India tend to be well-educated people, rather than actual elephants or goats. This is parody, such allusions are allowed. So, for the love of Vishnu, lighten-up.

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