This week we made clay sculptures in Art and I made a statue of He-Man that Miss said was “inappropriate”. I didn't understand what she meant and got sent to the headmaster and I still don't understand. Mr Simmonds asked me if there was anything wrong at the moment and I didn't tell him about how the ZIONIST MASONS were destroying videogaming by controlling our minds with polygons. He asked if I was wearing my new glasses following the diagnosis of my astigmatism, and I said, `I am happy seeing the world flat, thank you very much, and do not feel that the need to wear them.' For is it not written that sense of perspective and depth is tantamount to SATANISM?

Yesterday, whilst my brother was out with his EVIL BITCH GIRLFRIEND, I broke into his room and looked through his Masonic Edge magazine collection. I found issue one still sealed. What secrets did it hold? Was there a message for me from the Masons? Was Edge Magazine the beginning of their polygon mind probe? I decided to hide it for safe keeping along with my Milkyway that I have removed all the chocolate off and rolled into a ball. I also decided to keep a copy of Fiesta because it had a man in it that looked a bit like He-Man. I have tippexed out the girl because she looks a bit like She-Ra and I don't like her.

Friends, I have not got long because they are after me and Mum says that my brother needs to do his homework on the PC. She also says that Terry is not allowed to come round anymore because he is a bad influence but we met together today at school and he told me some more stuff whilst I ate a wagon wheel which I will reveal to you now.

This is what it looks like, IN MY MIND!

He told me of a secret world in outer space called Witch Space. This “witch space” has been created by the SATANIC MASONS and can only be accessed by using a magical prism device called a LENSLOCK. He said his cousin Darren had one but couldn't get it to work because his telly was too bent. I am bidding for one on Ebay but apparently they are “@@RARE@@” so I am not sure if I will be able to access this other world.

Today, during break, me and Terry watched a serious real life Flash documentary on the Internet about how the Masons faked the Boeing 757 attack on the Pentagon. Terry said, `That pilot would have to be, like, Elite, or something to have crashed so low into the pentagon and create such a small hole.' I suddenly felt a bit dizzy and needed a lie down. But a VISION hit me and this is what WAS REVEALED TO ME:

OMFG!

I felt a shiver down my spine as I realised that the Pentagon was an exact replica of the space station from Elite. (If you squint and tilt your head to the right) Perhaps the Pentagon was a portal to this Witch Space that Terry was telling me about? I tried to enter the space station via my Spectrum emulator but I couldn't line up the Zionist gateway so I gave up. Is this what the pilot of the Boeing 757 was trying to do with Pentagon? Was he trying to access a secret world? Was the reason why there was no plane wreckage because the plane had actually de-materialized and entered the satanic world of WITCH SPACE? I tried to discuss this with my physics teacher but he was too busy helping Cheryl Lewis. That bitch. He spends all his time with her.

Mum says she is “concerned” that I have wallpapered my bedroom with the Zelda: Ocarina Of Time pentagram map THAT WAS REVEALED TO ME in maths last week. I kept quiet and sipped on my Nesquick and then she had to rush off to a Scientology meeting. She hadn't noticed the copy I keep under my pillow....

One last revelation before I leave you. The Turin Shroud, the famous religious curio that is believed to hold dark powers beyond our comprehension. You think that's Jesus? WRONG! Could it be another popular moustachioed man? AN ITALIAN NO LESS? You decide… but the pieces of the puzzle are coming together!

It'sa him?

RUSS ‘N' SWITH, October 2004

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