What happened on the night...
By Rodentia

Ooh. Hello. I think we may have had a little drink?

Oh yes! The tale of the tape – it was the Rodent Game Awards 2006. We’d been pimping this bad boy for weeks before Thursday the 25th of January came along and we filed into a lost pub-basement, shooed away a couple of chancers who’d taken the ‘Reserved for Rodent & Friends’ sheet of paper off a table and then began the fear. Would anyone turn up? Would the landlord charge us for the lack of numbers? Would the collywobbles cripple our speakers?

The short answer is ‘Yes. No. No.’ The Rodent Game Awards turned out nice. Lovely in fact. The long answer follows now, a story of winners and losers, drinking and spilling of drinks – but most of all a story about a celebration of a fantastic year of videogames.

Hello Colin. Why are we alone Colin?

What was it like? Jez Chubb of EA Criterion reckoned that it was “Genuinely the most enjoyable awards gig I’ve been to and great to receive praise from people who played, understood and loved our game as much as we did.” Veteran games journalist Andy Lowe ensured our heads no longer fit our hats by adding “The best thing was it didn't just feel like some daft fanboy love-in. Beneath the rough 'n' ready vibe, there was a smart, informed, unashamed sense of passion for gaming.” Oh and Mr Biffo turned up too – so we made him our best ever celebrity friend, beating Lionel Blair who one of us saw buying a Daily Mail in a Putney papershop one time.

*****

Sometime last year we were sat in the pub getting all serious about how rubbish the Game BAFTAs had been, and about how silly it is that instead of carving out its own unique style, gaming continues to ape the conventions of other media.

So we thought ‘fuck it – we’ll do our own awards and rinse the passion right back in’. We had some more drinks and we forgot about it for a few months. And then we remembered and whatsmore we remembered while in the office, stone cold sober on a Tuesday morning and it still felt like a good idea. We phoned up the only pub we knew in London with a function room they’d let us have for nothing, set a date, sent out a cheeky press release and figured it would be maybe a dozen of us turning up and probably it’d be a laugh.

Then the tickets started speeding out of the door and the names they were off to included the likes of Sony, Sega, Criterion, Introversion, EA, Gamespot and we realised that this stupid fucking idea might just have an audience. So much for our fear/hope that we wouldn’t actually have to entertain anyone but ourselves: this was on. This was fucking on!

*****

Just a handful of us milled about the basement of the Royal George off London’s Charing Cross Road, it was 5PM and we’d already begun to commiserate with ourselves that although the tickets had gone, of course nobody was actually going to turn up. Over the next couple of hours the gamer contingent did arrive and we figured that at least we’d have a laugh and a chance to mock the stay-away award nominees without fear.

And then they came, the SEGAs, the Capcoms, the Introversions, the Criterions, etc, the lot – they came wandering down, sometimes looking like they we’re just hunting for the toilets but still they were here.

Christ - punters!

8PM hit and we kicked off: our very own slightly shit Ricky Gervais look-a-likee, Koworld, banged the mic off his teeth and said ‘hello’. And the fuckers said ‘hello’ back, and the thing swung into gear – we tried to bang out three awards every half hour but in between time concentrated on the drinking, the chatting and the having a laugh part. And fuck but didn’t we just!

Ooh, we 'ad a laugh.

Right now we all want to say a massive ‘thank you’ to all the industry people who not only turned up but who brought with them a brilliant, happy frame-of-mind, who shared the night freely with anyone who fancied a chat and especially the many who bought us pints. We were genuinely humbled by how open you all were and how you got right into the spirit of the event – back in that ‘planning meeting’ in November we’d talked about how games only exist in the context of being ‘played’. Unlike film, music or literature which stay the same regardless of viewer, listener or reader, games change and mutate when one of us gets our sticky mitts on them. That unique aspect of gaming drove a big part of how we wanted the event to feel – to be about games we played and loved and for gamers to mix with game-makers and to have a right old giggle doing it. So ‘thanks’ you beauties!

Aaaand so, after a slightly pissed opener from K we got on to the business at hand – the first two awards…

Best Explosions
Winner: Black
Rodent said: “Every Explosion in Black is a big-cocked visceral pleasure – but even then the game happily trumps itself constantly. When you blow something up in a warehouse and see a baddie go straight-up in the air and out through a man-shaped hole in a skylight… well, that’s life completed is that.”
Criterion’s Jez Chubb said: “Delighted with the Best Explosions award.  Like you guys, we never underestimate the impact and sheer joy of blowing stuff up.  Incredible FX are integral to the Black experience, and we hammered the PS2 to get there, so it’s great to hear you appreciated our efforts.”
Runners up: Shadow of the Colossus, Chromehounds, Neon Wars

Jez was so happy he did a little dance. Ahhh.

Best Game To Play With Your Mates
Winner: Gears of War for inspired co-op
Rodent said: “The greatest co-op play ever. Zip into your friends list - suddenly your epileptic death-wish computer-controller partner stops putting his head in-front of your gun and becomes a cunning and powerful wingman. Brilliant.”
Epic’s Mark Rein said: “Sorry for the delay. Been VERY busy lately and was travelling last week. Is this quote still needed?”
Runners up: Guitar Hero II, Rayman Raving Rabbids (Wii version), Ridge Racer 6

Then we had a drink.

More awards!

Most Difficult Moment in a Videogame to Explain to Your Missus
Winner: Dead Rising for Gay Cowboy Outfit
Rodent Said: “Shouting at the zombies while hitting them with various items? Easy. Explaining why you're doing so wearing what appears to be a gay-cowboy costume? Less so.”
Capcom’s Sam Brace Said: “Thank you” really nicely and then the bloody good sport took the gay cowboy outfit (ages 6 to 7) we’d bought for him and distributed to the Capcom table. As one games PR (who preferred here to remain anonymous) put it “Seriously a brilliant and hilarious night… far better than any wanky industry event I've been to. Enjoyed Capcom having to dress up as gay cowboys for their award. I think next year every award collected should include themed costume items as a condition of receiving the accolade - could become a new industry standard.”
Runners up: Ridge Racer 6, We Love Katamari, Loco Roco

Sam and the Capcom Capettes - top!

Time for a bit o'gay cowboy! Dead Rising style.

Most Completed Game
Winner: Guitar Hero I
Rodent Said: “You play it all the way through because nailing songs 100% makes you feel like a rock god. And because fifty quid for the game and a controller makes you weep money unless you get proper value.”
Harmonix Said: Not a fucking thing!
Runners up: Loco Roco, Ridge Racer 6, Polarium (GBA version)

Best unexpectedly-good shoehorned license or existing IP
Winner: Lego Star Wars II
Rodent Said: “Okay, maybe not 'unexpected', but still much more ace than even the most optimistic among us believed possible.”
Traveller’s Tales’ Jonathan Smith Said: “We're very pleased to have been deemed worthy of a Rodent. I can't tell you how it feels to be acclaimed as better than ‘Marvel: Ultimate Alliance’!”
Runners up: Mario Hoops 3 on 3, FIFA 2007 (360 version), Marvel Ultimate Alliance

Break for a tiny old drinkie poo.

It’s the waiting that gets you.

Most convincing virtual actor/actress
Winner: Marcus Fenix (Gears of War)
Rodent Said: “Yes he's a grunty old stereotype but he is an absolutely perfectly realised grunty old stereotype and we love him.”
Marcus Fenix Might Have Said: “I have a bad feeling about this.”
Runners up: Alyx (Half-Life 2 – Episode 1), Makoto (Enchanted Arms), Agent47 (Hitman: Blood Money)

Best Sound Design
Winner: Defcon
Rodent Said: “All the nominations in this category were bloody strong – we valued atmosphere above all though and Defcon won for the sheer balls to have included the mind-blowing sobbing woman. Stunning stuff.”
Introversion’s Vicky Arundel Said: Ahh, we were a bit mesmerised by Vicky so sort of forgot what she said exactly. We do remember some nice stuff about how brilliant they think sound-lord Alistair Lindsay is though.
Runners up: Gitaroo Man, Loco Roco, Rhythm Tengoku

Best game for making you miss your bus stop
Winner: Loco Roco
Rodent said: “Utter obsession in a portable form.”
Sony’s Rodrigo Hensley said: “When I return home to 'Sony Computer Entertainment Belize' I shall nail this certificate to a wall or sturdy tree. We are very proud.”
Runners up: Elite Beat Agents, New Super Mario Bros, Every Extend Extra

We love Rodrigo - we hear he's the new Reggie

Having made those three awards we felt a break was in order. I believe drinks may well have been both ordered and drunk.

The 'Ooh, can I have a go please' award for most inclusive game
Winner: Wii Sports
Rodent Said: “A game that everyone, from your Gran to sour old Uncle Frank, already knows how to play. The greatest party game ever.”
Nintendo’s Reggie Fils-Ame Said: “Keep away from my bins. I mean it this time.”
Runners up: 42 All Time Classics, Guitar Hero I, Singstar Rocks

Best Game With Rodent in The Credits
Winner: Mercury Meltdown
Rodent Said: “Mercury Meltdown is ace and anybody who says different is a knob.”
Ignition’s Drew Northcott Said: “There was a big change in direction when Archer left. Obviously we had ideas about what we loved and hated about the previous version of the game, changes we wanted to make, but as a developer it's far too easy to be insulated from the player by layers of marketing and reviewers. We wanted to find out what players thought so we came and checked with Rodent as a sanity check, what would they change? It confirmed what we were doing. These guys are our audience, a bunch of gamers whose judgement we trust, who tell it like it is.”

Yes we know that's the wrong award in this photo. Shush now!

Best polygon in a supporting wall
Winner: FIFA 2007 (360 version) for the space between the ball and the player’s head
Rodent Said: “We genuinely loved this game, in part for proving that actual physics aren’t at all important when it comes to making great football games.”
EA Said: “Are you taking the piss?”
Runners up: Big chunk of random road - PGR3, Big fucking Rocks - Gears of War, Weak-spot Indicator – Shadow of the Colossus

All this awarding stuff made us thirsty.

Best game level
Winner: Tivliz Asylum – Black
Rodent Said: “For the adrenaline, for the pace, for the searing atmosphere and for the cottaging in the urinals (it’s a fucking shower block – Criterion). Seriously – that washroom scene is among the finest in a videogame ever: pure animal fight, fear and blasting. Brilliant.”
Criterion’s Jez Chubb Said: “…overwhelmed by the Best Level award.  We know you guys played all the games nominated, because we chatted about them all night.  I guess that makes you the best qualified judges we know, and we really couldn’t ask for a better compliment.”
Runners up: First Planet – Loco Roco, The Fenix Estate - Gears of War, Freebird - Guitar Hero II

Take two awards into the shower... etc.

Best first day with a game
Winner: Guitar Hero I
Rodent Said: “The fun starts before you even get the game home: who didn’t slide down the box cover on the bus home and have just a little press of the guitar neck buttons? Who? God damn you tell us their name now!”
Harmonix Said: “Shhh, we’re counting our money.”
Runners up: Dead Rising, Black, FIFA 2007 (360 version)

Best involuntary yelp
Winner: Defcon
Rodent Said: “The release of pressure and the intake of guilt when you pretend murder ten million New Yorkers really is quite astonishing. Defcon is special.”
Introversion’s Mark Morris Said: Now, look, the thing is – it really was getting late by now and we can’t even remember if we were still there. What we do remember is that Mark was a hero all night and very gracious in victory.
Runners up: Black, Gears of War, Loco Roco

And then because the next section was the pressure one, the big awards, the tip toppest of them all we really felt that a drink to steady the nerves was important. So we had one.

Rodent Readers Award (voted for by members of the Rodent forum)
Winner: Guitar Hero.
Rodent Said: “The sheer balls Harmonix and Red Octaine showed in bringing this beauty to market deserves massive praise. The games industry is often accused of lacking risk but we think that’s bullshit – games such as this prove it.”
Harmonix Said: “Is the bar sponsored?”
Runners up: 42 all time classics, Ridge Racer 6, Zelda Twiglett princess, Test Drive Unlimited, Wii Sports, Oblivion

Rodent Game of the Year 2006
Winner: Ridge Racer 6
Rodent Said: “Sure, a slow-burner this one, but of all the games we played in 2006 – Ridge Racer 6 was the one that kept the most people coming back for more. That it did so with such fizzy, frenetic, arcade perfection and in glorious, umm, colour was the icing on a superbly complete cake.”
On Behalf of Namco Microsoft’s Nick Grange Said: “…so sorry just got this. Hope the night went well. Let me know if I can help with anything else.” …so we asked if he knew how to get a free PS3 but he didn’t reply.
Runners up: New Super Mario Brothers (DS), Black (PS2/Xbox), Guitar Hero I/II (PS2), Loco Roco (PSP), Zelda: Twiglett Princess (Wii)

…and then it was late and everyone was still laughing, talking games, drinking cherry beer and whisky and being happy. And it was special and we bloody loved it. Even when some of us missed the train home because they’d changed the timetables. Those little Thameslink scamps!

So, bigger and better next year? Nope – we’re doing it just the same. Love you all!

"We done then? Okay, in that case might have a little drinky."

January 2007

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