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Rodent Awards 2007

rodent awards

 

For the People, With the People

Best game to play with your mates

online
For online brilliance


Online races - Forza 2
Hurtling around against the AI is all well and good, but it's online amongst friends where this game really shines. Who'll brake the latest? Chances are most will try, some won't try at all. With more incidents each race than your average football team Christmas party, the replay mode gives you the chance to prove to everyone that you can't take the final corner at Maple Valley flat out in a Lotus Carlton despite what they told you at the time.

Big Team Battle – Halo 3
We loved Halo 3 as a fine, fine, single-player FPS – finishing the fight felt good. What felt better however was the essentially perfect multiplayer. Classic Team Slayer 4v4 formed the bulk of our Halo 3 experience and would have been enough to make this nomination on its own. Big Team Battle however – ridiculous British Bulldog charges for 8v8 playground skins v shirts made our fucking year. It’s screamingly good fun – mad as a fat Nell McAndrew and as wonderfully nonsensical as a pot of fucking Activa gut-clearing yoghurt. Mmm, taste good.

Pro 5v5 – FIFA 2008
As you’ll see later, we rate FIFA 2008, we rate it big. There are a bunch of reasons for that but for now can we respectfully point you towards one of the most extraordinary online experiences, well, ever: pro 5v5 changes the rules utterly, instead of taking charge of a whole team you take-on the life of a single player. The result is at first bizarre but once accustomed to the strangeness of your limited role it becomes something very special indeed.

Multiplayer – CoD4
We all loved Halo 3 Team Slayer. We loved it like the best girlfriend any of us ever had. She was great, she would bring us bacon sandwiches and tea in the morning, looked and behaved like a really classy whore and never complained when we chose not to shower for three days and sat in our pants playing videogames. Then Call of Duty 4 came along and, without batting a shitting eyelid, we fucked the new girl instead. We fucked her good.

 

The 'Ooh, can I have a go please' award for most inclusive game

inclusive
For making time at home with the family way less rubbish than normal


Wii Sports
What do you want us to say? Is there really any point going on with this category? Yes the other three are pretty damn inclusive and that, but nothing, absolutely nothing comes close to Wii Sports for inclusiveness. Fuck me is it inclusive. Well? Is it? Yes it damn well is mister.

Guitar Hero III
Not quite as inclusive as Wii Sports but really very, very inclusive.

Singstar on the PSfuckingThree
Maaaaan this one is inclusive. Not as inclusive as Wii Sports mind. Should Wii Sports not have existed, this one would have won but Wii Sports does exist and that’s incredibly, hugely, inclusive.

Super Mario Galaxy
Sort of inclusive, in that it’s nice for somebody else in the room to play with you, gathering stars and that. No where near as inclusive as Wii Sports though which is very, very, awfully, inclusive.

 

The ‘This-is-Shitting-Ace-What-the-Fuck-Were-FEDGE/GamesTUM-Thinking’ Unexpected Diamond Award

diamond
For turning out brilliant when nobody really expected shit, or the games media said it actually was shit but wasn’t


Earth Defence Force 2017
Can’t be arsed to look stuff up on Metacritic and that but we do remember the reviews on EDGE and GamesTM and both of those were just plain stupid. Anyone, and we mean absolutely anyone, who fails to enjoy EDF 2017 should just go kill themselves. A glorious mash-up of Japanese gaming culture, miss-remembered 1960s American Sci-fi and, ahh shit, I dunno – something mental but great.

The Witcher
EDGE gave it a 5, they weren’t alone. The cocks. Sure, its flawed but then so is my sister and she gets loads of shags and stuff. Yeah some of the blokes she sees are all hepped up on Fosters-Flavour Aftershock and yeah, quite often they forget her minutes after they've had a go, but it’s always fun, immersive and the combat is fucking superb. Great story too.

Jetpac Refuelled
Glorious, glorious, glorious. Okay, so the games media didn’t actually hate this one but then again few reviewers were brave enough to give it the numbers it oh-so-deserves. One of the true highlights of 2007 and very nearly a contender for Game of the Year. Seriously.

FIFA 2008
It'll be the same old shit, surely? You'll still be able to waltz through an entire team with Ronaldo and score from every conceivable angle even if you're facing your own goal, right? Wrongo. Dead wrongo. With PES scoring a pretty spectacular shitty-online own goal, EA had a chance to claim back some of the folks who'd wandered off to devote their lives to Konami's game. And they've hammered in a pearler from 30 yards. It's not perfect but it's certainly not the shit of yesteryear. It takes some goddamn learning to play, in fact it takes some application to score a goal but you're pretty much guaranteed it'll look and feel like an actual football goal. There's converts all over the place, join us and whisper it: Fifa 08 is a bit fucking good!

1. Technical Achievement
2. Gameplay
3. For the People, With the People
4. Game of the Year
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