Scartalogical
By Bog and Koworld
Hi, Koworld here - I'm sure that you, like me, find the never ending challenge of securing quality RGB output for your consoles a real pain. Well we are delighted to be able to announce that imaging professional Wilma Kensley-Rise has agreed to join us for a guide to obtaining the best possible picture from your machines. Confused by cables? Scarred by Scart? Discombobulated by composite? 12-year experienced visual artist Wilma has the answers and perhaps even the questions. Take it away Doctor Cable:
Scart Cables. It’s simple really, SCART cables are all manner of evil. Look at it there: it's trying - oh, it's trying so hard - to be professional kit. Look! Look at all the spade-like pins! Poor old thing! See how she's trying, look at her sweat! But they fail. They fail with their cheap copper fraying wire intestines. They fail with their folded-over flanges. They fail, while you're vainly groping around the back of a teetering pillar of non-impact-rated domestic electronics, vainly trying to find the flush-fitted video vagina of AV2 on the back of the fucking telly. They fail because nobody ever designed a backplate with a little L-shaped plastic extrusion that you could seat the wok-eared corner into and just shove it home. They fail because there is not now - nor has their ever been - nor will their ever be! - a plug which is less tactile and satisfying to connect. They fail because they wobble and flollop around in that bucket-fannied socket, tenuously staying in position more because of lateral friction from the over-thick over-heavy bundle of fuck that is the cable itself. I despise them with every fibre of my being. Why, when Shenji Fuckamoto or whoever it was decided to make a "high quality" domestic video cable, did he not simply use BNC? It's what I use when I'm doing Proper Video, and it's what normal people should use, too. But NO! NOOOOO, let's come up with something the size of a C64 Action Fucking Replay cartrige! Let's make it impossible to plug in blind! Let's not even settle for whether it's wok-eared flangy bit up or wok-eared flangy bit down. 
SCART Cables are shit, okay!
Next month: RGB via RF? The future? September 2005 
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