So, the Nintendo Wii then? Rodent towers went officially Wii mental last week, with a large number of us staying up past our bedtime in order to grab one at the optimistically named Wii launch 'party'. Which mostly consisted of us standing next to the Black section in HMV for two fucking hours. That's 'Black' as in the depressingly miserable no-hope band of the eighties fronted by a no mark Billy Bragg look-a-like rather than the infinitely preferable Public Enemy, James Brown and The Four Tops section that you'd get in America or somewhere.

Nice. Shame we couldn't actually buy any. Or move.

Trouble is, we all got home, played Wii Sports for about 20 minutes, Wii Play for less than five and were left wondering what was missing? Because it all felt a bit flat waving the (admittedly lovely) Wiimote around the flat on our own.

And that's the thing - the Wii, or at least a significant number of the launch titles for the Wii, is a social beast. Playing it on your own is like masturbation - initially thrilling, but ultimately an unsatisfying experience for all parties concerned. It's also equally hard to explain to your girlfriend...

So, armed only with copies of Sports, Play, Monkey Ball and Rayman we congregated on a secret location in North London to test how the Wii would respond to a social occasion. There would be Beer, there would be Pizza, there would be Girls and there would even, by the end of the night be Dancing. The question on everyones lips was this - "Would the Wii be great social equalizer we had been promised, or would the alcohol, food, dancing and general party chat take a front seat". Read on, gentle heart, as we find out...

Stage one. Awkward Introductions...

People arrive, as they often do for these affairs, in dribs and drabs. Two people become three, three become five, five become four for a bit, then four becomes nine as the mob descends on what used to be a perfectly respectable front room. Everyone wants to meet everyone else, give 'em a big hug and just generally catch up on what's been happening in life since the last time we all met (anything from last week to nearly a year ago). But the Wii is sitting there quietly reminding us of it's presence in all it's gently understated glory so we pick up our Wiimotes and (after some initial confusion with syncing the Wiimotes) get stuck in to a gentle game of Wii Sports.

Now Sports has been the poster boy for the Wii pretty much since we first heard about it - whether it's the sheer obviousness of using the Wiimote as a racket or just the hazy memory of Pong Sports tugging at our subconscious, there has been something wonderfully compelling about this collection of mini games since the very beginning.

And it does live up to that expectation. Eventually. There's no great depth to these games - which almost goes without saying really - but once the controls have been explained to the uninitiated ("Yes, you just swing it like a tennis racket") a spirit of gentle competition started to fill the air. Yes, you can get away with gentle little strokes of the controller. That may even work 'better', but once you get into the competition then it becomes as much about the little dip as you bowl, or the power of your forehand smash or even about your stance when addressing the ball as it does about whether you win or lose.

The overall impression left by Sports is this - there are some cracking sports games to come on the Wii, but these aren't them. But that's totally beside the point. Tennis is a complete riot in four player mode - with people shoving each other out of the way to make crucial shots and generally getting in each others way. The mechanics of the game are slightly broken though - with much grumbling about Sickboy 'always getting the serve'.

No such complaints about the bowling though. With every player getting an equal chance at glory - and, crucially, allowing a much more even playing field. No-one was going to beat Sickboy at this one, but each strike, and each near miss, was cheered on by the crowd as if it mattered.

As for Golf, well, it gave us a chance to chat while we were watching people cueing up their shots. Probably the one game in the package which will be more fun to play on your own than in a group.

Stage Two - Get the party started

With the preliminaries out of the way and, by this time, with the wine beginning to flow - it was time for the last generation's party game of choice to make an appearance.

Unnecessary subtitle aside Monkey Ball (Super or otherwise) was, and is, an absolutely perfect match for the Wiimote. It's just a shame that Sega have chosen to hide this fact behind a whole series of party games that either don't work or are just too simple for their own good. There are a few real gems in this game, but finding them is a real chore. Monkey Darts is fun to play, but boring to watch, Monkey Bowling - after the sublime Wii Sports version, dull and counterintuitive and, by the time we'd got to Frog Ball (erm, bounce your monkey up a hill in a mechanical,frog thing), most of the party was sitting in the corner of the room wondering when and if Monkey Pizza was going to make an appearance.

So, taking this as a natural break in the proceedings, a foraging party was assembled and sent out into the wilds of North London in search of beer, pizza and crisps while a couple of fake plastic guitars were weilded for a spot of expert level Freebird show-offery in Guitar Hero II. Fun, but by this time the party had definitely split into boys-with-computers and girls-feigning-interest.

Stage Three - French letters straight to your heart

Oh god no, the girls have got engrossed in Heat magazine. Surely it's all over for the Wii now? Surely no game in history can compete with discussion of Britney's fanny hair?

"Ooh look. Britney's shaved her pubes off"

Enter, stage left, the most unlikely of heroes. Within seconds of Rayman going in the slot, everyone was back on their feet clamouring for a go...

How the hell did that happen? Rayman games are universally rubbish aren't they? I mean, we only bought the game because Wario Ware isn't due until next year and we had to make the numbers up a bit.

And yes, Rayman himself is as dull, characterless and, well... Gallic as he ever was. But this game works for two, make that three, reasons.

It's the Rabbids mainly. Bizarre, utterly sick and twisted (and yet, according to the girls, still managing to be 'cute') as they are, they are also everything that Rayman normally isn't. Charming, full of character and actually (genuinely) laugh-out-loud funny. The gameplay too really suits being played as a crowd, taking it in turns to step up to the plate and have a go at the next improbably entertaining minigame. Games are nice and quick, with some of the tasks being dispatched in seconds. Others take longer, but the feeling of teamwork as you shout encouragement and/or ask nicely for help makes each 'tricky' stage an absolute joy.

And the third reason? Well, let's just say that standing in the middle of the room trying to swirl a cow around your head is always going to be more entertaining for the people watching than it is for the person swirling. Try doing that on a dual-shock.

Boss Stage - Of Miis and Men

But every party has to come to an end. People have homes to go to, traffic to negotiate or just the need to relax from all the exhausting effort of Wii Sports and, especially, Raving Rabbids. Some of us settle down for a spot of come-down action with Wii Play - which does make more sense when a spirit of gentle (or not so gentle) competition is added to the proceedings or for a little bit of Mii creation.

So, the Wii then? Ultimate party machine or pointless control gimmicry?

Truth be told. Neither. Or both. It's simply far too early to tell. The games (Zelda aside) really do make more sense when you add people, and the familiarity of the wiimote will help those who would never normally touch a gaming machine. But, as things stand, the Wii is all potential at the moment - Like Feel the Magic on the DS two years ago, it has taken a third party to really show how much fun Nintendo's newest toy can be but it it will be Wario, Brain Training, Metroid, and all the rest that decide whether that potential is converted into an industry changing force or merely diverted into a momentary gimmick. On this evidence, we know which we'd prefer.

For now, for those of you fortunate (or organised) enough to have got a hold of a Wii this Christmas, all we can say is 'Well done', don't expect the moon on a stick, don't be disappointed by the relative lack of single-player experiences, and enjoy the Wii for what it is right now. Get a few friends round, let the party take it's natural course and see how far you can throw that bloody rabbit out of that mine-cart.

December 2006

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