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Looking back, but facing forwards 2006 was a shit year wasn’t it? It’s not like the good old days any more, in my day it were all Jet Set Willy round ‘ere. Oh, just fuck off you miserable sod. We’ve had one of the best gaming years for ages around these parts. Sure, the next-gen birthing process has been drawn out beyond all reasonable expectation, but when has it ever been different? Nevertheless, we have had some absolutely fantastic experiences this year and here, in no particular order, we present the official Way of the Rodent review of 2006. Ridge Racer 6 The very definition of ‘sleeper hit’ – this came back at the beginning of the year and we’re still playing the bugger. Not all of us loved it, but those of us who did, absolutely adored the shiny little socks off it.
As close as you can get to recreating the feeling you got when you and a load of mates hit up the beach-front arcades for 6 player link-up Daytona - insults and taunting included. I still don't get it I'm afraid, must get my copy back of Rich and give it another go though... Feels fantastic when you get it right, but you want the ground to open and swallow you up when you get it wrong. It's like being sick on a rollercoaster while your eyes melt, only fun. Physics schmysics, let have some more of that crazy nitrous! I's just so fucking FAST, and you can drive a rocket-powered limousine. A pink one RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RAAAAAAAAAhhhh CUNT! The best and the worst of sliding round corners at 200mph with a bunch of your mates, usually all in the same 3 minute race. We all complain that we have to suffer a long wait to play games in the UK when our US and Japanese cousins have been playing them for months. If this was released globally in 2005, it wouldn't have been our Game of the Year for 2006. Worth waiting for? Its Ridge Racer innit? Familiar cosy feel but with eye watering graphics. Not my game of the year, but I can still respect the cock. Somehow manages to make even your Non Hi-def TV look Hi-def. Outstandingly crisp graphics and a flawless Ridge Racer experience. 8 out of 10 cats rodents prefer it Black Okay, so it wasn’t the genre-busting shooter that we were promised. Or was it? It all depended on what attitude you checked in at the door apparently
Maybe it's Terry Pratchett's influence, but when I play a game where I'm a one-man-killing-machine then I always imagine all of those faceless and nameless minions have wives and children. And that just really puts me off. I love the sheer shooteriness of this, I could just do without them being people. Top notch gun porn without the pseudo-philosophical psychobabble. First person shooters are about guns. Running around with your artificial Heckler and Koch cock out, mowing down the unworthy and the naughty. Let's face it, if Escape from Castle Wolfenstein had only had the one gun that was "enough for the job", the genre may have died a'birthing. Black takes the gun, and distills it down to it's essence - Bad Man! BANG BANG! Bad man fall down! Oh. A medkit popped out of his abdomen. Eww. I have to use that. BAD MAN! BANG BANG!
First-person shooters are my thing. Soon as I was old enough, these were the games I chose to play. The best - Doom, Goldeneye, Halo - are so much better than the murky pool of try-hards and also-rans that, unless something comes along which is truly fucking special, I'm happy just to keep playing the classics.
You know when you see a film where there's a just-dead heroin junkie, and someone sticks him with a syringe full of adrenaline, and you see it rush into him in slow motion, and then he sits bolt upright as it courses into his heart? Fought against poplar opinion for almost an entire year before i broke down and bought it. Played the first few levels, Good solid stuff, but nowt amazing. Lego Star Wars II More Lego fun, only this time based on films that people actually cared about.
I missed the original LSW, but that only made this even sweeter - a Star Wars that I actually knew and loved rather than the new/old films meant that I took this to heart almost immediately. Still playing through it in co-op with my daughter, which can be no bad thing. Lucas really needs to hand any future films over to these guys. A potent and timely reminder that games are supposed to be fun , and not a punishing chore. You can "finish" it in an evening, but you'll want to go back and find all the hidden bits, not out of some obsessive-compulsive impulse, but because it's such a joy to play. because we all want to be Luke Skywalker. because we all want to be Han Solo.
Because Lego and Star Wars is what I remember from when I was 10, and this is every bit as good as I can remember them being. Hilarious nostalgia-filled gaming. Great co-op play. Makes you wish your world was made of Lego. Co-op occaisonally makes you wish you could pluck your mates head off and chuck it out of the window without negative consequences. Because someone finally did something Star Wars that got my kid to realise what all the fuss was about. Every now and then you'll see or hear or read something that brings back a fleeting, years-old sensation. A dated ad during a taped-from-tv film, a photograph, whatever - it'll scrape back layered levels of memory and give you a jolt of how you used to feel. This game did that for me and Star Wars. 20 years of prequels, merchandising and games have left us all jaded to some degree with Lucas' adventures; Lego Star Wars II brought back the rush, the love and the wonder by treating Star Wars with the innocence and fun it's been needing so badly After the skipload of dreadful, half-arsed cash-ins that Lucas has rubber stamped over the years, finally here is one that actually takes you back to childhood fun when summers were long, Star Wars was everything, you actually had to use your imagination to build something in Lego and Han Solo shot first. I'm sure its very nice but its bug ridden to buggery. Instead of gleeful bouncing about, its like being that lad on Jim'll Fix It who wanted to go to Hollywood, so they took to Hollywood in Birmingham. He cried a lot. Simply brilliant fun. Its not going to set the world alight gameplay wise by all means, but even those with only a passing interest in Star Wars will find loads to make them smile here.
Conversation a few nights ago: Because droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wii Sports We were playing this long before the Wii hit the shops – we’ve been swinging our TV remotes around like lunatics since the very first videos hit the web.
Since day one I've had friends, family, neighbours, long-lost relatives, tramps and Jehovah's Witnesses all playing it on my Wii and I've not heard a single bad thing said about it. It all feels a bit too much like exercise doesn't it? I'd rather play tennis for real I think... Whereas Zookeeper lost me a DS, Wii Sports is allowing me to gain a Wii. Never underestimate the power of having the missus watch you spaz out in front of the television as a selling point. The second best wrist strengthening exercise yet. To quote "Made Up Love Song #43" by indie band Guillemots "You got me off the sofa, just sprang out of the air, the best things come from nowhere, I can't believe you care." It's great to see a genuinely new gaming experience, and all the extras Nintendo have squeeze into the Wii, being embraced by the public. My arm hurts. Fancy another go? Cool! It's been about 20 years since my father played a video game. He wanted to play Wii Sports. I think Nintendo must have gotten something right there. Muscle memory with a high-score? Kinetically compelling! A broken lampshade, and a smack in the mouth for my toddler who wandered into the wiimote swing area (twice). It's exactly like playing Atari all over again.. Due to living in a minature room I finally have a legitimate excuse for getting four people sweaty and jumping on my bed. Even me nan played it. For a bit. Great game, but my arm hurts too much to play it. (football injury not wanking. Ok, i got it from wanking a footballer) DEFCON The game that affected us the most deeply this year – the fact that it was released exactly one week after Sickboy & Fuseball had their album launch in a nuclear bunker in Essex only added to the cold-war realism of the thing. We dare you to play this in a darkened room and not have to check that the world is still there in the morning.
For highlighting my utter inability to form an alliance with someone and not backstab them. Perfect chilled atmosphere, compelling but with a hint of paranoia, like living in the 80's again. Play it in a darkened room and feel the chills run down your spine! It's like chess with nukes, only you can pretend to be Matthew Broderick. It shits you up right proper. It's hideously compelling, and you find yourselve occasionally shivering as you see "LONDON HIT - 12M DEAD". You say to yourself "That could have happenned. That came within a gnat's whisker of happenning. Again and again. Hold on - they nuked me. WANKERS!" and ripple a fusillade of fusion fury your own self. This game has no other setting than "Revenge", because everyone's going to die anyway. A survivalists nightmare in crisp, bleak paranoia. A misanthropists wet dream in crispy, blackened populations. Satisfyingly somber and paced perfectly to induce reflection upon the meaning behind the abstract symbols and numbers before everyone's plans explode in a panicky flurry of spiteful slaughter and knee-jerk reprisals. A blast! Introversion's lovely anti-war poem. Release various countries of their population then suffer ungovernable guilt - much like when you tuck into a Kendal Mint Cake and think of all those sugar mice that succumbed for the sake of tasty delectation. A deeply unsettling videogame, without even a hint of onscreen claret? That'll do me, nicely. The game that made me look stupid in front of the wife because I didn't realise that I was quitely making bomb-dropping-whistles and murmuring 'Boom!' before 'heh'-ing quietly. Repeatedly. For an hour. Whilst she was trying to watch 10 years younger. Fantastically realised strategy game that celebrates its simple mechanics and has one of my soundtracks of the year. Gears of War This game owned the tail-end of the year, the soon-to-be-legendary co-op play made it a delight to play through from beginning to end.
That's more like it. Vaguely insectoid alien scum invading dear old 'mother' Earth. Bring it on. "Take that in the face you mother hubbard!" Cock locked, and ready to pop and drop! Ace until the last boss, who's a big twat, and I still haven't killed him yet. the best multiplayer game since Halo 2, and a campaign mode that isn't too shoddy either. Every hoary old War Movie cliché - even down to the 'tude of the Drill Instructor, if not the rank - wrapped up in a visually stunning package. The most organic, fluid shooting system ever fielded, and the first proper implimentation of taking and moving through cover. Just for those, it's well worth the price of admission, but (with the possible exception of the final sodding boss battle) it is fun with it, and beautiful to boot. Because it makes all those war-torn, sci-fi cliches fresh again. And its got chainsaws on the end of guns for God's sake. Picks you up and smacks to down into your own personal hell. The added spice is you'd rather fight your way out rather than exit to the dashboard for a bit of Frogger. The first game to make me realise that "Net Gen" is really here. Absolutely next gen: fantastic atmosphere, stunning graphics, solid gameplay. For some reason that still escapes me i simply dont want to play it. Loco Roco A beautiful experience from beginning to end. One of a handful of games this year that are saving the PSP from it’s space at the back of the shelf.
Woooo wheeee spoing muimui la la la la laaaaaa. he hee he If it was short-lived it was only because I raced through it in a mad rush to see everything it had to offer. Still working my way through 100%ing every world. flawed genius. Like all the best things. The game that should not have been. This should have been on the DSLite. The black sheep of PSP games, and all the better for it. A magnificent acheivement. Absolutely barmy - I absolutely adore the look and charm of the game, and am genuinly saddened by the fact that i dont feel compelled to play my copy to the end. Dead Rising Zombies! Fuck, hit ‘em with a shovel! Exactly what we’ve always wanted to do.
Like an old style SHMUP, endless comedy spanging zombies with improbable weapons The boss-battle bits were just too hard for me, but worth the price of admission for the sheer glee of wading into a field of zombies with a baseball bat and a mediaeval battle ax as backup. While dressed up in a comedy outfit, natch. Constant psychotic laughter. This is letting one's inner sociopath out on day release every time you load it - from the Gratuitous Lawnmower through the chunks of zombie raining down from one's katana to the Hard Rain drumming off the bonnet of one's car, this is all about comedy violence. They way violence should be. Consequence-free and hilarious. Because sometimes the shower head is mightier than the sword. Face-planting a zombie into the ground never gets old. Lunacy on a ridiculous scale. Its the game we've always wanted to play. An absolute Fucking blast until you get to the first boss who leaps about the foodcourt rooftops like a tit. All of a sudden the fun and enthusiasm drained out of me at that exact point. Mercury Meltdown It was nice to be asked.
I don't care if the PSP doesn't have a tilt sensor, damn it. This one'll have you holding the unit sideways and shaking it to try to get that never-to-be-sufficiently-accursed blob to slide around the darn corner. Bastard, bastard hard, but an enormously fun evolution of the marble maze genre. I charged up my PSP for the first time in a month to play this one when it hit the shops - and I'm still playing it now. Because it's bastard, bastard hard. This was originally going to be called "Uri Geller's 'Everything You Touch Turns To Shit'". He has to eat cornflakes with a knife and fork, you know. And he's never won an egg and spoon race. Yeah THANKS wayoftherodent Guitar Hero It’s the guitar isn’t it? Chicks dig the guitar...
I am a rock GOD... Worship meeeeeee I'm sure I'd grow to love this, but my inner music snob just won't let me enjoy it. Kind of hoping that the 360 version doesn't require that I declare a taste amnesty before I can get into it. The game that the missus actually sent me out to buy. A minor miracle. My arm hurts. Fancy another go? Cool! Guitar Hero - because it's just such completely great fun and you can play it just about forever, as long as (as Chris said) you can bring yourself to put up with the stuff that you really don't like very much. And when you really nail something just right, whether a whole song or just a good hammeron, it gives you such a great feeling. One bit this weekend, for example, I found myself consistently able to do a fourteen-note widdle stretch by hammerons and pulloffs, and every time it made me feel like a rock god. because life really is all about loud guitars. I've not played any of them, but feel free to mention my name anyway, because i'm great.
This game only confirms what I already knew - I'm never going to be a rock legend EVER. Even tougher to tame than Brian May's hair in the morning. About the closest most of us will get to moshing out before slamming the fender on the ground and then setting it alight. Air guitar with a high-score? Rocking! Could only be bettered if it replaced the whammy bar with a chainsaw.
The game that can make almost anyone believe they are truly the eponymous hero. I took this back home with me at the end of last summer. My sister bought a PS2. Proof that the concept is king - no sleek space fighters or ghoulish hordes here, only the joyous collision of ego, spectacle and the international language of Rock. Like Wii Sports, like SingStar, the game's physical necessity drags you out of the real and places you firmly in the experience. You might be fucking up a Sabbath cover in a scummy bar - something entirely achievable in real life for most people - but GH takes that dismissed rock-god fantasy and says, "Look, there's a structure and energy in this music that you can truly feel! This is how!" The moment you stop playing the game and start playing the song is as great as any in all gaming. I was worried about the marriage of a replica musical instrument and the frivolity of a computer game, but then they told me to watch "Top of the Pops" and "Gamesmaster" to find out what I had let myself into. I must admit that it's not really my scene, but I can see what young people like in it. The crowd goes wild, the stage lights shine like a thousand suns, the drummer starts the beat, arm raised high with plectrum clutched you lay down a killer riff that you can feel through your ribcage. Then you snap out of the daydream, you are stood in your front room holding a little plastic guitar and your performance was appalling. However, you are still grinning like a madman and your mates are laughing and cheering. Fuck off you lot, You say. I'm having another go! As a sad old metaller, this game is a dream come true. The ONLY reason my PS2 isnt in the loft. Jet Set Willy Online Another personal highlight for us. One of our stupid jokes taken up by the very talented lot over at retroremakes.com and made flesh. Even more importantly, it played sublimely. We’re genuinely touched, and that hasn’t happened since we saw Gary Glitter at the Hammersmith Palais in 1986.
No. Just... no. No, no, no, no no. Non, nein, nyet, whatever it is in Sanskrit, NO.
I'm on top of a giant penis! More silly, co-operative and competitive than having one person controlling direction whilst the other jumps. Except for online folk who don't want to share the same seat. And the chat invariably descends into surreal sarcasm. Sublime! Genius. Bloody genius. A stupid idea that really shouldn't work. That's the real 'Original Spirit' right there. Fifa 2007 Included here mainly for the look on Rocky’s face when he realised that PES6 was a bit shit. Although we notice that people are drifting back to Konami now that the shock has worn off a bit...
I'd rather sit down with the new Argos catalogue and a cup of tea actually. Half a cow and as much sugar as will dissolve, please! Oh please. FIFA was always the fat kid at school that everyone laughed at while rubbing their cock on his sandwiches. FIFA 2007 on the 360 is that same kid 10 years later at the pub, ripped like Chuck Norris with stunning birds hanging off each arm. February 2007
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