Prequels They Never Made.
Hosted by Swith
What a month is has been at Rodent Towers. Things are changing, baby. Since the re-launch, I’ve been under pressure from the other Rodents to keep my desk tidier now we’re all classy looking and that. Anyway, clearing away the spent carcasses and my collection of Edwardian toenail clippings, I came across a beard hair signed by George Lucas. I’d completely forgot I had it! As I sucked pensively on that wirey grey face-fibre, hoping that some of his genius would enter my pitifully diseased mind through capillary action, I got thinking about the joy that prequels have brought so many…
First, there’s the Star Wars prequels, but they’re a bit crap so far…
Well, there was Smallville which was, erm…oh dear.
Erm, but who could forget Zulu Dawn?
OK, prequels are shite. Let’s see some pictures:
Gold
Rockwaldo
I wouldn’t shoot that, mate. You’ll cause no end of trouble.
Silver
Zen Chan
Nations assemble to establish peace through weapons sanctions. Play as Germany and click ‘Ignore’ until the game ends..
Bronze
Beta Karra Tene
The world of golf is very similar to the world of mobile phone tariffs. You can either pay-as-you-go and shell out over the odds, or you can sign up and get fucked every month by the bill. Luckily, policemen have little willies so the latter isn’t as bad as it sounds. Damn that 19 th hole!
And now, the fantastic runners up…
Sir Lans-a-lot
I always felt sorry for Horace, going skiing all on his own. It must have cost quite a bit, and he had a right nightmare when he got out on the slopes. Poor bugger.
Rockwaldo
Area 51 is world famous for it’s bulging eyed alien-looking inhabitants, haunting sounds and mysterious lights that often disturb the locals. A lot like ‘Club Carlton 2000’ in Port Talbot, really.
Elizian
Elizian poses this interesting problem in defining the prequel for Chuckie Egg, which came first?
FIL
I wish eggs didn’t have chicken poo on them. Paradoxically, I wish Dizzy himself DID have a bit of chicken poo on him. It would have enhanced my enjoyment of his games no end.
Swith
Geoff Crammond, David Braben, Sid Meier, they all love to see their own name on the front of a game box. Now you too can have fun being Sid Meier pre-fame days. Sid Meier. Sid Meier.
gribbles
I used to have nightmares about a giant tadpole that didn’t metamorphose in my pond. It was genuinely disturbing. Not as bad as when I found a frogger machine with 40 credits still in it the other day, though. That sucked.
JunoSix
Damn, this one is subtle.
matt
Use your Super Mario flagellum to propel your Italian jizz to the goal. Combine that DNA, you Love God.
Sir Lans-a-lot
Join the masons and never have to worry about planning permission again. It’s ironic really that council offices are, without exception, the most unpleasant looking buildings in any town or city.
datasette
With bonus add-on mission, ‘Where the fuck is the car?’
gribbles
Can’t think of a commentary. I keep looking at his eyebrows. They’re a bit wrong I reckon.
FIL
Hey, Daddy-Oh! Don your roller-boots and skate around 1950’s Bournemouth calling people ‘hip cats’ and inscribing your initials in shoe-polish onto the walls of the Winter Gardens.
Doc Daneeka
You know that Mario would recycle.
Dio
It’s a beauty from Dio. They say it’s better in 2D, but is it better in Black & White? Why not go the whole hog if you’re an ardent retrogamer and have your reproductive organs surgically removed. All those secondary sexual characteristics can really ruin that authentic nostalgia.
Koworld
What will EA do when they are on two FIFA updates per year, but still need to feed their ever-increasing coke habits? Start going back in time of course. You wait.
matt
Vib Ribbon is one of those games that you MUST own. Simple as that. The Swith hath spake.
Surfr
The world of amateur skating is like nothing I’ve ever encountered before. Hundreds of very talented kids screaming out to be used as a living, breathing coat hanger by the heads of over priced clothing companies. Skateboarding is not a crime, this is true, but kids: it isn’t a career, either.
FIL
Being partial to brains, any zombies would go hungry around my bloody neighbours.
JC
Well, it’s Dallas but we knew what you meant. Good stuff! (Bit of both, actually. – Ed).
Ashcroft
Ug.
Kid Casio
Remember when that snowboarder got his Gold medal taken off him at the Winter Olympics for having cannabis in his bloodstream? They called it a performance-enhancing drug. Hahah!
Baboonanza
Hmm… what is a zombie to do when looking for a 3 bed flat, no onward chain and a fruit cellaaaaaaar?
Here are the forum threads from whence these pictures came. and a few others we didn’t have room for:
http://forum.wayoftherodent.com/viewtopic.php?t=1415&start=0
http://www.yakyak.org/viewtopic.php?t=29739&start=0
Now that didn’t hurt too much, did it? You see, don’t fear the prequel. It’s more afraid of you than you are of it. The best way to pick one up is by it’s sides – then it can’t get you with it’s pincers.
Next month
By Royal Appointment – Games for the Aristocracy .
If you’re a reader what would like to send in an entry, just electromail it to imageofthemonth@NOSPAMgmail.com
If it’s good we’ll put it in. To be honest, even if it’s shite it stands a good chance so don’t be shy.
Remember, it’s not about your Photoshop skills, it’s all about the concept and it’s impact.
February 2005
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