Mario Shoehorning Deluxe.
With your host Swith
Flabio
I remember a time, not so far back, when a Mario game was a good game. It was almost a guarantee that, if that was your thang, you wouldn’t be disappointed.
matt
Then Ninty started being more generous with the license. Many did fine jobs in their own right, such as Hudson and Intelligent Systems, but as time has gone on, and the brand is diluted further and further, familiarity has bred contempt towards the chubby little asexual chappy.
Nintendo will not rest until they have written their own camp send-up of which ever gaming genre they’ve decided to shoe horn Mario in next.
It’s only a matter of time…
Russ
He’s creeping in everywhere, Baseball games, Dancing games, Football games. Left unchecked, it could voraciously spread across the entire gaming industry, choking it like the Red Weed from War of the Worlds, but with a moustache.
Behold… the future!
Russ
Snooker games will be greatly improved with rainbows and drainpipes.
Mad Hippo
What does Mario do when he’s not saving the Princess? He stares at the coffee machine. For hours.
I know what you’re doing, Mario: You’re selling out.
It’s alright, we were thinking about poo as well.
bloid
We could do without the hot coffee though, eh?
Zen Chan
One in the eye for racial stereotyping!
RiK
Paper Mario?
Mayhem
Coming soon, my foot.
bloid
Anders
evilpaul
Every month has GOT to have a Horace.
OddBob
An actual screenshot of an actual game the actual oddbob is making! I’ve played it, and it fucking rocks.
Cippy
Lordy me!
Anders
Mayhem
Bit of a mole mound down there, you know, bit of a fur burger by the looks of things.
Cippy
He is though isn’t he.
Disciple
ThetaReactor
That’s a Koopa shell they’re kicking back and forth. That’s Mario on the left. He’s the fat one.
Where will it end? Will any genre be safe from the inevitable pseudo psychedelic homogenization machine that is the Mario franchise? Who’s to say this disease won’t species jump into the field of the operating system?
Xav brings us this terrifying glimpse from the future:
Games Company Branches Out
In a press release today, videogame company Nintendo announced that they are branching out into serious software. A spokesman for the company said, "As our target audience grows older, we realise that there is a need for them to do more than just play games – which is why we are launching our new PC operating system, MariOS".
Nintendo has seen profits fall since Microsoft launched their Xbox console – a direct competitor to Nintendo's Gamecube. In a step that mirrors Microsoft's move from the computer desktop to gamers' living rooms, Nintendo hopes that MariOS will enable them to take the PC world by storm.
Little is known about the specifics of MariOS at this time, though rumours and speculation have flooded the internet. An early alpha version of the software has already been released to developers, with the final release slated for early 2011. A spokesman for Nintendo said, "We expect to release MariOS at least 18 months before Microsoft's Longhorn ships".
Screenshots from the alpha version, as well as discussions in developers' forums, indicate that MariOS is likely to contain the following features:
Numerous preinstalled applications, including: Super Mario Word, Mushroom Powerpoint, Luigi's Spreadsheet and DK Paint
Intuitive application launcher: a button in the bottom left of the screen will be used to bring up a menu from which to select the program to run. The button will be labelled "Letsa Go"
Extra unlockable items: in the alpha version, for example, you can't run Mushroom Powerpoint until you've written enough text in Super Mario Word to reach the top of the word count table
Fully skinnable: for only a gazillion stars (250 stars with each Nintendo product) you can replace the default red Mario theme with a green Luigi theme
User friendly error reporting (developers have been referring to this as "the red shell of death"
"Interactive task management features": in other words you can kill errant processes by dropping a bobomb on them
"Paper Mario" print management system
Intelligent assistants: characters which pop up at the bottom of your screen to help with common tasks. You can choose between Yoshi, Bowser, Princess Peach, Donkey Kong (widescreen systems only) or a Shy Guy
Realtime monitoring of system events (in the current developers' build this subsystem is incomplete – though Mr. Resetto does appear if you fail to shut your machine down properly)
To coincide with the release of MariOS Nintendo are also rumoured to be working on a new input device to replace the mouse and keyboard. Early speculation is that it will be a wireless touchpad with no buttons but fifteen different vibration modes and a gyroscopic sensor to determine when you have thrown it at the wall.
Thanks, xav, for that sobering glimpse of the future. Now, back to the images.
Al
I’m starting to think that Nintendo ought to start taking notes here.
zbandito
This maniac even made a Mod for Gridrunner++ that turns it into Super Mario Grid! See the YakYak thread for more details.
OddBob
Smut.
Anders
Reggie can personally recommend the Mario Butt Plug.
What can you say?
Anders
That’s just filth.
FIL
She wouldn’t even mind at all, I reckon. Posh tarts are all the same. Trust.
Datassette
Super Mario Advanced Lawnmower Simulator Turbo Advance II
FIL
And we end up, in the gutter, with Fil. Thanks for that high note to finish on.
Many people can’t see the irony that a company that prides itself on it’s innovation is still relentlessly flogging a 25 year old character. We can. Alright, so Namco is doing exactly the same with Pac Man, but at least you *know* his games are going to be shit. Apart from Pac Man Versus, and who ruined that?
Fucking Mario. With his castrato-esque voice overs.
For us that remember those glory days when Mario was something to admire, salvation may indeed come from the New Super Mario Bros game on the DS. It’s the first 2D Mario platform game in Donkey’s years, but I can’t help feeling it’s too late.
Nintendo has made the fat plumber seem decidedly thin. Like butter spread over too much bread. Let’s hope he’ll be the first up against the wall when the Revolution comes, although I seriously doubt it.
Until then, you can find me playing Super Mario Allstars, and bemoaning the loss of innocence as The Lost Levels brutally sodomises me using a Koopa shell as a prophylactic.
And so, my petals, another expedition into the world of imagery and piquant graphical observations draws to a close. More! More! I hear you cry; well you can HAVE more, my little munchkins. All you have to do is look in the forum threads to see the countless images that didn’t make it onto the Bonus Stage this month.
And here be the links to them:
http://forum.wayoftherodent.com/viewtopic.php?t=2051&start=0
http://www.yakyak.org/viewtopic.php?t=38628&start=0
You see, I’m only picking what I, in whatever state of mind I happen to be at the time, consider to be the cream of the crop. Not forgetting of course, a little bribe goes a long way. Regular reader will also notice that there are no medals awarded this month. That’s because this way, every one is a winner.
In one sense.
Next month, the challenge shall be…
HIDDEN SEX GAME MODS IN UNLIKELY GAME CANDIDATES
You get the idea.
Don't forget the usual rules...
Portrait images: 360pxls wide max
Landscape images: 440pxls wide max
Post images in the Way of the Rodent forum thread, or alternatively email them to ImageofthemonthNOSPAM@gmail.com (removing the NOSPAM, bit of course.
August 2005
|
