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WWII-Ware


 


 

 

 
Them Nintendo people, they fucking love a drop of blood and a severed limb in their games and the big old Second World War is the absolute daddy of gore! The nice Big N is set to realise a Warioware Special Edition cashing in on all that war stuff that’s so fashionable right now. In a brilliant marketing connection the boys down there at Ninty have noticed that both ‘Warioware’ and ‘World War’ can be summed up with the letters ‘WW’ and the second ‘WW’ was the very most popular one of them all (if we’re talking World War rather than Warioware that is).

Oooh and BIG EXCLUSIVE, we’ve been given access to the planning meetings for the new World War Two Warioware… as you will remember from the very first time we stole this particular joke that what Nintendo do to plan Warioware games is to draw ideas on Post It! Notes. We reveal here some of those very notes from the actual sessions, we also include some in different formats submitted by bell-ends who didn’t understand the principle of the stupid thing.

Hurrah!

<

Russ
Clumsy Chamberlain

Choker Chamberlain has written his shopping list for the Munich branch of Tescos. Shit! A gust of wind has blown it out of his hand. Blow it back or the dignity of a nation will be lost forever!

Russ
NuremburgRing Trials

Quick. Rudolf Hess's defence is standing strong. Trace as many laps as you can to make him wilt!

PVB
D-Day Landings:

Drag the landing craft to the beaches as quickly as possible, so you take less damage from the gun emplacements.

Jon Egg
Beat Mussolini !

Ma5h
Goring's Bad Day

Oh dear all Herman's planes have been shot down :-(
Cheer him up by petting his cute little head :-)

Jon Egg
Poppen dein Klogs -- Schnell !

Mein Gott, mein Fuhrer! You're in the bunker, the Russians are beating down the door -- at that fat fool Goring's only gone and got your suicide pills mixed up with his M&Ms.

Tap 'em to scoff as many as you can before Stalin gets his prize!

Jon Egg
Aw, fuckin' oops

You're new.

Fil
BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI!!!!

Jon Egg
By Jove ! Ginger's bought it !

Well, nearly. Quick! Scribble down the address of his beautiful young wife, so you can pop round there and 'comfort' her.

Koworld
Hitler has only got one ball.

Rockwaldo
Anne Frank is distracted! QUICK, draw a cock in her diary before she notices!

Jon Egg
Churchill's Surprise Visit

Oh no ! Churchill's turned up unexpectedly to see how the code-breaking's going -- and you've spent the last two years teaching the Enigma Machine to print rude messages.

Quickly jab random buttons and pretend Hitler's planning an invasion of Tamworth, or something.

Koworld
Catch! Touch! Rudolph!

Quick! Rudolph Hess is over Scotland jumping for peace, help position Wee Jimmy Krankie's tongue so our Rudi avoids landing in the Irun Bru town!

Rockwaldo
Rations are hitting hard - you have a large family, kids are going to die. RATION!

Rodentia
October 2006

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