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Bonus Stage
 
 

Handheld Hand-hold
PSP or DS? What’s best? The opinion.
62 Gaming Icons
Random appreciation of important things.

With My Kid In America… 7.
Start ‘em young – on the free stuff.

Arcade Nirvana… 15.
Over but not out.

Feel The Magic XY/XX (DS)
You are shouting at a bit of metal.
Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath (Xbox)
Gloom in bloom.

Ridge Racers (PSP)
Well, it’s how the PS1 started…

Metal Gear Solid 3 (PS2)
Are we playing a game, yet?
Bubble Bobble
Soapy sweets and bad barons.

PSP vs. DS
What's best? The science.

Image Of The Month
Bring on the pretend prequels…

Win a PSP
Celebrating 25 years of Asteroids.
 

 

JC
"Big Team Battle. I died. Face up. I see my killer on the screen as he comes and stands over my face. What’s he doing I thought? He begins to crouch and then stands up, repeating the process. Intriguing. Is he trying to get a weapon I’m holding? Then he speaks, in what can only be described as a filthy Mexican accent. Do you know what he said? “How do my balls taste…hey? How do my balls taste? HAHAHAHAHA. Bitch”.
I’ve never felt so violated. My corpse being used for what I think is known as tea bagging repulsed me to the point of exiting the game immediately.
I’m not playing Halo 2 for a while now. I need to feel clean again."

 
 

 

Pap
"Words cannot convey the true joy of nailing a song in Amplitude. Fortunately, fucking big speakers can- just ask the people who live next door (once they recover from tinnitus). I've had about 1600 goes at BT's Kimosabe, and I fucked 1500 of 'em up. I enjoyed every single attempt - my neighbours did not. In response, they have added a 'dodge the crossbow bolts' element to my 'going home' mini-game."

 
 
 

 

Gorecki
"Out the warthog, hit the ground running, through the barriers, seconds on the clock, then Elites, Flood, Explosions. Shit! Pause. Erm. Cortana - "We have to get aboard, NOW!". Aaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh! Run, fuuuuucckiiiiinnnnnggggg ruuuuuuunnn! Full pelt, stop for nothing, shotgun right, left, taking fire, two bars left, two seconds left… Aaaaannnnnd, cut-scene."
 

We present Rodent's world famous bid to list the top 5 of everything in the world.
Swith's
Top 5 embarrasing VideoGame related moments

I bought Kirby's Air Ride. I'm sorry. What can I say?

I threw a CD of the Amiga CD32 'Brutal Sports Football' in the study at school, and it hit Barry Ho in the forehead. It stuck there for a bit before it dropped off, causing a cut, and I laughed too much.
When I first heard the end of level tune in Yoshi's Story (N64) I cried because it was so sweet!
After playing 'Wishy Washy' on EyeToy for an hour, not one metre away from a filthy real window, I noticed that I had been frantically waving at all passers by, and the real window was still filthy.
To delay ejaculation in the physical act of love-making, I used to try and remember Mario Kart courses on the SNES. Now I can't play Mario Kart without a Pavlovian bogus arousal.
 
 
 
 


Title: Halo: Combat Created
System: Xmasbox
Genre: God kill sim
Description: Avoid Romans while banging on about how you love everyone including people from Hull. Features new combat elements the like of which the world has never seen
Rating: Five loafs and a fish

 
 

 

Rodent
Relaunched
Good frickin’ riddance, skint and drizzly old January. Rejoice, though. For it is ‘All-New Rodent February’.
Welcome back, loves.
You’ve missed us…

Hello, everyone out there in the real world! I am film director Steven Spielberg about twenty years ago, and the guys at ‘Why Of The Road Vent’ have asked me to introduce the new, improved – what’s that say? – ah… relaunched version of their website or other.

I’ve been a fan of videogames since playing Space Invaders back at my ranch made out of dodo hide with pristine white unicorns frolicking in the surrounding fields and a big lake full of mermaid spit, back in the late ‘70s. Because it’s now about twenty years ago, I was currently addicted to a little game called Missile Command, as you can see by virtue of the fact that I am leaning on it.

In it, you’re some guy in a plane flying around firing missiles with fucking rockin’ orange explosions and kick-ass sound and a convoluted sentimental touchy-feely bittersweet twist at the end. I would imagine.

Anyway, thanks for hanging on this past few weeks in about twenty years time. As you can see, these ‘Whey Up The Toad-Gent’ fellas have worked hard to bring you a totally new-look version of whatever it is I will be endorsing.

Bored with this, now.

Hello. Sickboy here.

Okay. We changed. It’s taken us ages to get a look we’re all happy with, but here it is. Nothing fancy, like. We’ve just tried to freshen things up and make navigation a bit less tricksy. Hope you like. If you do, prop us up with nice comments in the forum. If you don’t, well… You can shove your stupid opinions up your big fat arse.

Umm, that is – it’s always useful to hear constructive criticism. Do this in the forum, too.

As ever, contributions please. This is more a process of E-volution than… err… change. You’ll see. Big, bumper issue next month. Promise.

Love you!

Sickboy, Editor - February 2005

 

A note from somebody else

Hello welcome readers to what is indeed this issue of Way of the Rodent. Teething troubles there are bound to be dozens of. That's the way this shit do go. So feel free to point out anything and everything in the forum. We are listening and that.

The redesign is just the first step in a busy year for Rodent, we've got a whole shit load of surprises up our sleeves. Please be gentle as we go forward.

Some of you might have noticed that I have made some personal changes too - I've put together a team and funding with which to open a chain of videogame stores. It's an exciting challenge and just as we've brought a fresh perspective to writing about games I'm convinced that we can do the same for buying games.

Anyhoo, I guess what I'm hinting at is that the spirit of what makes this magazine something I'm proud to be a part of is the same spirit that is driving our new business.

See you there and all that.

All the best,

Koworld (Richard Hammond)