DIO'S

Top 5 Ways To Avoid Getting Your Arse Handed to You by Sickboy

5. Tie his thumbs together before playing.

4. Remind him that this is NOT his planet and he is supposed to play by the same rules as the rest of us visitors.

3. Cut his phone line, smash his router, jump up and down on his headset and pulverise his Xbox into atoms.

2. Nuke his house. If following this step, please advise his wife, children and nearby residents to evacuate first.

1. Challenge him to "fit stupid fucking pipes together".

Argue-the-toss here

(WotR top fives are nothing more than the wrong opinion of the clueless twonk whose name appears at the top of the article. Dio is a bad loser - as are we all here when losing to Mr Sickers.)

Creative

How do you fill your days? By lounging around your Pleasuredome attended to by a small army of pleasure droids set to 'make blind'?

All England Breath-holding Champion Barbara Windsor not pictured.

For most of us 'living' means getting to enjoy those brief periods of play time that punctuate being at work. Work is rarely really a joy, be honest - even when we're getting a kick out of whatever-it-is-we-do it's usually a relative thing. As in 'writing a cool bit of code is better than being made to eat a turd in a wholemeal pitta' or as in 'being my own boss and working from home and being able to have a wank anytime I choose is better than socialising with real people and not talking to myself all day and monitoring the movements of my neighbours and especially the nice, but slightly weird looking girl, who lives down past the bus shelter', I think you'll agree.

Taking opportunities to be creative in our lives is what makes all the piss and shit bearable. Rodent has, so far, published the work of sixty nine different writers. And I'm going to say it - we've published some of the best writing on videogames anywhere in print. What's remarkable is that, although we have been lucky to have received submissions from a regular trickle of professional writers, the vast majority of Rodent scribes are ordinary people like you and me.

And we want more. Please, please if you feel like you have anything to say about videogaming then write it down and post it here - each week we will pick out selections, give them a sympathetic and professional edit and then you'll see them published here.

Rodent is changing, we'll tell you more at Christmas, change for the better and now is your chance to be part of that change.

Juices

Bottle up that creative sweat and label it Original Videogaming Spirit:

Sweet 69. We are all Rodent now. KOWORLD

AEROFLOT discovers Robotron. Finally.

Paper Mario. Two views, two hairy thumbs up? SWITH/PAULEMOZ

Halo 2. Everyone knows it's shit. AHCHAY

Slackers world 4. RODENTIA

Aaand relax.

Our friend Mark says that there are now only 17 tickets available for February 2005's Retrovision 5 videogaming event. RVs are fucking brilliant and if you've never experienced one then you really are missing out on an incredible chance to make new friends, play new-old games and to drink gallons of beer in great company.

Cheers,

KOWORLD, Publisher, November 28th 2004

(Don't worry - we haven't sold out...)

Next week…

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