FRESH EVERY FRIDAY! #51
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Backslash…

Well. After last issue’s 50 Greatest Shooters special, the mailbag has certainly been bulging here at Rodent Towers!!!!!! At one point, it resembled the veiny scrotum of a pre-wank giant: shifting and undulating, bristling with coiled, libidinous menace; simmering with the steaming, shifting gloop of your opinion-spunk.

Sorry.

Here’s just a few extracts from the many:

“I enjoyed your ’50 Greatest Shooters’ feature, although it was wrong. There was no logic to it and Mars Matrix wasn’t in it.”

E. Heinz, Denham

“Why oh why was Robotron at Number 1? I have never played it”.

S. Minimetro, Japanshire


Mars Matrix. Where the fuck was it?

“Where the fuck was Giga Wing, then? Eh? Eh?”

J. Sukazaku, Takumi Games, Japan

“Why weren’t there more Amiga shooters in there? I had an Amiga. Are you saying my childhood was invalid?”.

N. Stanley Fletcher, Slade Prison

“You people make me sick. Sick to the very core of my being. I want to puncture your bodies with thousands of tiny little holes and then force you to drink the honest sweat of the game designers whose shooters you left out of the list, just so I can see it sprinkling out of you like in a cartoon.”

E. Rantzen, A Mansion


Xenon 2. Where the fuck was it?

“I have measured how good Gradius is compared to Defender and I think you’ll find that playing tennis against an opponent who is slightly better than you is best. You really do learn more that way”.

G. Rusedski, Canada

“Normally, I love Way Of The Rodent, but your 50 Greatest Shooters issue has got me so incensed, I would definitely cancel my subscription if you weren’t on the internet. There should be a law against whether or not you can publish your magazine. Hang on – no. There shouldn’t. That’s what makes the internet so good – it’s unregulated. Well. I have deleted my bookmark, which is kind of analogous. And before you start sniggering, no I didn’t say ‘analingus’. I have no interest in such a filthy activity. The same goes for ‘queening’. Um… Swiv was rubbish!”

I. Pod, St. Ives

“I like cats”.

P. Graham, Ruislip


Chaos. Where the fuck was it?

Ah, well. Y’know. It was never gonna be a science. Just a bit of a broad editorial brush-stroke, if you bastarding well will. A list of games that most of the people who made the list really, really loved lots. Sure, it was an unholy hybrid of personal reasons and legacy reasons, but by it’s very bleedin’ nature, it was always gonna be flawed. All these listy things are. I mean, did you see that Greatest Songwriters thing in Q last month? No Simon & Garfunkel! It’s a fucking disgrace! Anyhoo…

Issue…

Wear her like a feed-bag. It’s Little MissOriginal Videogaming Spirit

Perfect Games Machine. We have the technology. AEROFLOTT

Cold Fronts. Time to bunker down again... SOLIDCHRIS

Pikmin 2. Don’t give up on that Gamecube just yet… FUSEBALL

Chuckie Egg. Because it was ace and on the Dragon. ELY

???. sdfsfsdfsdfsdf SWITH N' RUSS

Cheers then!

SICKBOY, October 1st 2004

Next week…

 

selected previous issues :

Click for issue #35

Return to Issue #33

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