Getting high
Greetings, minions. As the less methane-addled among you might have noticed already, the iron hand of The Scorelord has seized control of these pages. It was an effortless victory: one moment the incumbent editor felt the soft black leather of my glove on his windpipe, the next he was enjoying a cooling bath of liquid nitrogen. He should be back, much refreshed, next week; though it might take him a little longer to remove the wire brush from his sphincter.
You’re doubtless wondering why a despot accustomed to tyrannising billions of vertebrates across millions of worlds – a being once famed for his legendary challenges in Zzap!64 – should stoop to conquer this so-called “online magazine”… Wonder all you like: frankly, I can’t be bothered to tell you.
Instead, this week I flogged five contributors to within an inch of their meaningless lives and commanded them to provide articles on the subject of high scores. All obeyed, of course.
Read every last word, or I’ll destroy the universe.
”I’ll have whatever he’s having…”
methane madness…
Imbibing all the wrong substances? Enjoy the super taste of Original Videogaming Spirit below…
 Perfect pins. Monkey Bowling cost me a good degree. SWITH
Sibling rivalry. Jamie and his magic touch. PAULEMOZ
 The best of times. Scramble and cigarettes don’t mix. F0ZZ
 Dropzone. How to score a million in twenty years. MAYHEM
 High score havoc. Top fun with top scores! RODENTIA
THE SCORELORD , September 10th 2004
Next Week…
Fifty? Special? Maybeeee...
selected previous issues :
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