bon joower…

Remain calm. Uncle Rodent is here, with his isolated clumps of facial hair, big bag of ‘wholesale’ stuck-together sweets and faint smell of old soil. On with the doddery nostalgia and off-colour anecdotes…

And it’s an extra-special Special Edition, this week, which we’ve called ‘The French Vectrex Coin-Op Memories Beat-‘Em-Up Space Combat Issue’. So, rise from that ridiculous position, and listen while we tell you what’s in it…

The one known as Fuseball leads the charge with an update of his Joysticks For Goalposts column – a lust-poem to the mighty Vectrex (don’t worry – it’s not really an actual poem).

Two major debuts, this week. OnePunchMickey lobs a few coin-op memories from across the pond – Irish Sea, that is – and Noodles delivers an appreciation of the frightening-sounding old French computer mag Hebdogiciel.

Elsewhere, Russ likes Rocky and StuartB loves Frontier: First Encounters.

And – oh, Christ. Can it be true? Yes. The bastard is back, next issue.

tribeean…

Here it comes – sheet over head, crudely fashioned eye-holes, ‘Woo!’-ing unconvincingly. Indeed. It’s the original videogaming spirit…

The Joy Of Vectrex, from FUSEBALL

ONEPUNCHMICKEY – the arcade thing, Oirish-style

Mental French Magazine Memories - NOODLES

Eatin’ lightnin’, crappin’ thunder… RUSS reviews Rocky

Frontier: First Encounters. STUARTB

Coming soon…

Something very, very special, indeed.

Next Week: Moments In Videogame Lurrrrv.

The original rodent, April 30th 2004

top ten…

Really Good French Things, by SICKBOY

10. The women, with their glowing skin and expensive skirts and breathless whisperyness... Sophie Marceau, Emanuelle Beart, Bridget Bardot (when she was young, like), Nathalie Portman (now, not in Leon), her out of Amelie, Beatrice Dalle’s tits in the flash-‘em scene from Betty Blue, oh God oh God oh God.
9. Viscous, purulent, stinking cheese that you have to pretend to like in order to find favour with your girlfriend’s parents who are a bit posher than yours, but which brings to mind a smegmified glans.
8. French Toast, or, as we (correctly) know it in England, Eggy Bread.
7. Drawing long, snaking knobs with dots of spunk coming out of the end from Jean-Paul’s trousers up to Marie-France’s face in someone else’s ‘Audio-Visual French’ text-book.
6. Delphine Software and their loopy, ahead-of-time games like Operation Stealth, Another World, Flashback, Cruise For A Corpse and, um, Shaq Fu.
5. ‘French’, in a brothel. Which is mouth sex.
4. Excellent surrendering skills (Quebec, Waterloo, Alsace/Lorraine, Rethondes, Vietnam, Japan/Korea 2002).
3. Lots of stuff beginning with ‘G’ – Garlic, Gauloises, Gitanes, Giscard d’Estaing, and, of course, the Gallic Shrug – a classic, universally recognised sign of championship-grade surly nonchalance.
2. Strings of onions and stripey jumpers.
1. Berets.

selected previous issues :

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