friday is good…

‘He’ is back.
And this time, He’s in no mood for forgiveness…

HE was a man with a vision.
A man with a passion… for himself.
A pushy, self-righteous preacher-man who didn’t really like Jews very much.

In a world of uncertainty, HE was a man with a plan – to bring together the meek, the mild, the mentally enfeebled… to herd them into the movie theatres of the world, and make enough money to be able to mop up his ejaculate with hundred-dollar bills for the rest of his life.

Mel Gibson IS… Jesus H. Christ.

Anyway, as all good-hearted people know, Friday is only ‘good’ because Friday is Rodent Day. And, as you shovel buns and bunnies into your twitching, baby-bird mouths, read THIS and weep…

Mr. Minter is back. So soon, yep. In fact, we can’t keep the hairy bastard away. Go, go, Llamasoft History – Part 3.

Also, resident Brizzle Boy Aeroflott has turned up a blinder of a Part 2 for his utterly TV-friendly tale of Missile Command, grease, and unrequited love. This week – to Weston Super Mare, and beyond…

Elsewhere, Matt tells us why he loves Pang. There’s also a deeply pointless egg-hunt, and a special Kun-Tor Konfabulator widget - Macintosh only, I’m afraid. There might be a PC version soon. We will, as dubious parents insist, have to see…

bad bunny…

Hop on, then, and couple frenziedly with the more-than-willing fluffy slut that is the original videogaming spirit…

Llamasoft History Part 3. Games are good. Fast games even gooder… YAK

Mad quest for the ‘perfect’ Missile Command game continues. AEROFLOTT

Travel round the world, break stuff... What’s not to like? Pang. MATT

Harvest Moon. It could be the game of your life. JIMAROID

Kuntorbulator. Place on desktop. Be scared by. MATT/SICKBOY
Mac Only (yes, we're all gay here - Pub.)

JOIN IN THE WAY OF THE RODENT EASTER EGG HUNT…

…and win a Turin Shroud T-Shirt.*

Yes. We’ve hidden lots of eggs all around the pages of the current issue. If you can find them all, then this stunning, one-off T-shirt, could be yours to own and wear when you do a big wash. Acknowledge the Prince Of Peace for his part in your redemption, by giving your work-time – as he gave his life – by playing our stupid competition, NOW.

Complete the following sentence: “I had little to do at work – as usual – and I managed to find (x) eggs in your brilliant competition thing. Do I win?” and send it to… mumble mumble… dot com.

Next Week: ?er… there’s nowt in the New Stuff folder?

The original rodent, April 2nd 2004

* Competition may not be authentic.

Oh and we did try to nail the T-shirt to the wall, but Photoshop crashed half-way through and we couldn’t be arsed to start again.

top ten…

EASTER EGGS THAT ARE JUST WRONG , by RODENTIA

10. Daley Thompson's Decathlon (C64): Naked Daley's spunky moustache (wank joystick while holding down 'M').
9. Beyond Good & Evil (Xbox): Tiresome Tony Blair reads the full script of the Hutton Report (photograph orphanage that's really a weapons factory).

See, thing is we started making these up and then found real ones that are funnier (with thanks to the supreme Easter Egg Archive)...

8. Shenmue (Dreamcast) - Set your clock on the Dreamcast to 25th of December. You will see Santa Claus when walking around on the streets
7. Commodore 128 - Boot machine. Type: SYS 32400,123,45,6. A list of system programmers is displayed.
6. Doom 2 - Turn off clipping and walk into a "secret" room to see John Romero's head on a stick.
5. Pokemon - Jump off a ledge in order to make Pikachu 'dance'
4. Adventure - Find an invisible thing, take it to an unspecified place and spend hours trying to walk into it at exactly the right angle to see "I wrote this"
3. Excel - Type in riduclously arcane code at XL:97 (do you see what they did there?) in order to fly around a shit landscape (still better than Flight Simulator)
2. Robotron - Manage to contort your way through fifteen joystick combos in order to see text that says "This is Robotron 2084"
1. Refreshers Easter Egg - Absolutely no fucking comment.

Got any to add to this top ten?

last week's issue:

yes! it’s war!…

Onward, with the ‘80s playground-flavoured original videogaming spirit…

Why the Spectrum was best. SICKBOY/REV.STUART CAMPBELL

Why the C64 was best. MAYHEM

Aaand the punchline… Why an Amstrad was bester than both. VENUSIAN

Sacred Cows Kebabalized Part 1… Why Manic Miner was cock. YAK

Sacred Cows Kebabalized Part 2... Why Wizball was arse. AHCHAY

The machines that saved our lives. KOWORLD

The Alternative Spectrum Keyboard. SICKBOY/FUSEBALL

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