New readers: click here for more on getting the best out of your WotR experience - mwahahahahahahahah

exclusive!

Hello, you. As the recent flaccid ABC figures imply, games mags ain’t what they used to be. Well, most of ‘em have been dead for a long time, but now they’re really starting to stink.

Trouble is, they’re produced by creaky-kneed duffers who don’t really know much about The Kids any more, so they just pay modelling agencies to supply dead-eyed ‘honeys’ with light-guns and try to speak street-trash, baaad dad version. And they overrate everything to stay mates with the PRs, or underrate everything to show how arch and clever they are.

Us Rodents don’t claim to know much about The Kids (they send hex messages and eat Pop Tarts on toast or something), but we do know what we like. Games, games, games. Oh, and hardcore pornography.

So, let’s have that pledge one more time – just good, honest, intimate, relatively amusing stuff about videogames. No phoney exclusives or cosy PR-toadying or point-making review scores or embarrassing yoof-talk.

Wicked.

free!

Pull up your pants. This week’s ravenous dribble of original videogaming spirit features the beginning of something very special indeed… Jeff ‘Yak’ Minter has only gone and started scribbling his multi-chaptered History Of Llamasoft. In the first chunk, we find out how a young man with a love of Basingstoke pies transformed himself into a ninja videogame coder by way of his brother’s pocket calculator.

Elsewhere, it’s a cleverly non-themed issue with some frankly luminous writing on arcade-game collecting, games and recovery, Silent Hill 2 and Atari VCS games. A rare old spread. Eat well.

The girls and the games – but rarely at the same time. FUSEBALL

"I don't care about your mortgage." Why can't I just be me, asks SIMONB

The History Of Llamasoft – Part One. YAK

“The horror… the horror…”. Good game, though. Silent Hill 2 by JUNOSIX

The old Atari days, middle-class kid style. Activision Anthology. PAULEMOZ

Xbox Boy, can he do it? KOWORLD

”’Insert Credit’, indeed”…

Be still, now. For another week, it is finished.

Thanks to Rav, for giving us hope again. Oh, and big squeezes to our old mate Stuart Campbell, for calling us “acceptably fine”. We love you, man. Have a look at Stu’s infrequently adequate website here.

Next Week: HE RETURNETH.

The original rodent, February 20th 2004

top ten…

A Bit Rude-Sounding Games (List Made Up When We Were All Eight Years Old, honest), by RODENTIA

10. Heels Over Head
9. Womb Raider
8. Cummando
7. Arse-Type: Anal
6. Super Spunky Ball
5. Tom Clancy’s Sphincter Smells (again)
4. Space Invaders
3. Way Of The Inserting Fist
2. Bugger Time
1. Zone Of The Benders

last week's issue:

In America, life can be ‘sports’-mental – and biscuit-free. PAULEMOZ

Cheating 1. A dream job, courtesy of Game Genie. BARRYX

Cheating 2. It is sick and wrong, says PAP

Tony Hawk’s 1. Tony Hawk’s Underground – he speaka sense, does PAP

Tony Hawk’s 2. The sweary bliss of ultra-competitive gaming. KORRUPTOR

Thrills, chills, pant-spills. It’s great. Except it’s not. Blowout. JEDBURGH

___________________________________________________________________

LEGAL NOTICE
Way of the Rodent and Smart Circle Limited accept no responsibility for the content of the related forum or for the content of articles, written by third-parties, re-published on this site. Writers' opinions are their own and do not reflect those of the owners of WotR or of Smart Circle Limited. WotR and Smart Circle Limited disclaim all liability for such content to the fullest extent permitted by law.