Thanks to all of you last week who heard the
Euge-news, read the issue, bought the T-shirt (they’ll be
sent out next week). If you enjoyed it half as much as we did,
then, um, we enjoyed it twice as much as you.
Eugene was pleased, too. He called us “The
shit!” – which, we understand, is American for “very
good”. The guy we grew up swearing at indirectly (through
his games) has finally seen fit to swear back at us. We happy.
Anyway, back to busyness. It’s a bit of
a guest special, this week – think of it as a nudge, a niggly
little shirt-tug to those of you who’ve been saying: “Oh,
I could write something for this…”. DO IT, THEN. Don’t
worry if your sentence construction is not am being too proper…
elegant, like. If the feel is right, we’ll use it. If it
isn't, we’ll tell you why not – nicely. As long as
we get our regular fix of giant Refresher Chews, we’re kind,
Rodent HQ was rocked
and stunned to see some very sniffy reviews of Tony
Hawk’s Underground in certain so-called magazines
(with our immortal pixels, we flob on their perishable ‘paper’).
So, the one known as ‘Pap’
has made his debut with a wrong-righting review – and his
mate Korruptor has scribbled a companion Tony Hawk appreciation
piece. Do read ‘em both.
Elsewhere, BarryX and
Pap offer two angles on the dark art of cheating, and PaulEMoz
delivers his first Letter From America – gaming style.
Alistair Cooke started his in 1946 – and he’s still
going. We trust Paul has similar stamina.
Oh – and Jedburgh’s fine, by the
Spruce up that fetid soul with a vigorous buffing
of original videogaming spirit…
In America, life can be ‘sports’-mental – and
Cheating 1. A dream job, courtesy of Game Genie.
Cheating 2. It is sick and wrong, says
Underground – he speaka sense, does
Tony Hawk’s 1.
Tony Hawk’s 2. The sweary bliss of ultra-competitive gaming.
Thrills, chills, pant-spills. It’s great. Except it’s
Nightnight. Gawdbless. Kiss for teddy. Same
time next time? Thought so.
Next Week: The
effervescent wonders of Silent Hill 2,
why Sinistar and ladies don’t
mix, and… and… AND… The History Of Llamasoft
Part One, written by the Yakbeast himself. Miss it, and we’ll
February 13th 2004
Top Ten Unlockable Characters, by
10. Play Speedball 2
without sleep, to unlock John Belushi
9. Collect all the ‘raspberry’ tokens in Beserk,
to unlock Sir Stephen Hawking
8. Free NYC in Freedom Fighters
to, unlock George W. Bush (eat our irony, just lap it up with
a big old spoon, motherfucker)
7. Enable the ‘naked’ cheat in Tomb
Raider, to unlock Keith Chegwin
6. Pay a prostitute in Grand theft Auto
3, to unlock Lord Archer
5. Slaughter a librarian in Dino Crisis,
to unlock Barney the Friendly Dinosaur
4. Score $100,000,000 on crash junction 19 - "Michael Winner
Must Die" in Burnout 2, to
unlock that cunt from the "Calm down dear, it's only an advert"
3. Lie a lot, and act all smarmy in Leisure
Suit Larry 6, to unlock Tony Blair
2. Swallow your own huge nose in Pimania,
to unlock Rik Waller
1. Choose the evil cow in Black & White,
to unlock Anne Robinson
last week's issue:
On squirrels and sparkles. All-New Eugene
Shooting the shit with 'Huge Euge'.
Cruis’n USA – proper
racing – not driving.
Defender – the highs, the
highers, the seaside humiliations.
Euge's Smart Bomb - the original and still the best.
Blaster – one of Euge’s
more… lateral moments. It’s ace, says
Stargate – Defender 2, or
what Defender was always meant to be?
One more time? A repeat for our award-winning
One man’s lunatic challenge – to write a version of
Robotron on the Neo Geo Pocket Colour
– in a week.
Eugenius wallpapers, get 'em while they're hot.
And, of course - the T-Shirt. Limited
stocks, available now.
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