phew…

Thanks to all of you last week who heard the Euge-news, read the issue, bought the T-shirt (they’ll be sent out next week). If you enjoyed it half as much as we did, then, um, we enjoyed it twice as much as you.

Eugene was pleased, too. He called us “The shit!” – which, we understand, is American for “very good”. The guy we grew up swearing at indirectly (through his games) has finally seen fit to swear back at us. We happy.

Anyway, back to busyness. It’s a bit of a guest special, this week – think of it as a nudge, a niggly little shirt-tug to those of you who’ve been saying: “Oh, I could write something for this…”. DO IT, THEN. Don’t worry if your sentence construction is not am being too proper… elegant, like. If the feel is right, we’ll use it. If it isn't, we’ll tell you why not – nicely. As long as we get our regular fix of giant Refresher Chews, we’re kind, polite people.

wee…

Rodent HQ was rocked and stunned to see some very sniffy reviews of Tony Hawk’s Underground in certain so-called magazines (with our immortal pixels, we flob on their perishable ‘paper’). So, the one known as ‘Pap’ has made his debut with a wrong-righting review – and his mate Korruptor has scribbled a companion Tony Hawk appreciation piece. Do read ‘em both.

Elsewhere, BarryX and Pap offer two angles on the dark art of cheating, and PaulEMoz delivers his first Letter From America – gaming style. Alistair Cooke started his in 1946 – and he’s still going. We trust Paul has similar stamina.

Oh – and Jedburgh’s fine, by the way.

Spruce up that fetid soul with a vigorous buffing of original videogaming spirit…

In America, life can be ‘sports’-mental – and biscuit-free. PAULEMOZ

Cheating 1. A dream job, courtesy of Game Genie. BARRYX

Cheating 2. It is sick and wrong, says PAP

Tony Hawk’s 1. Tony Hawk’s Underground – he speaka sense, does PAP

Tony Hawk’s 2. The sweary bliss of ultra-competitive gaming. KORRUPTOR

Thrills, chills, pant-spills. It’s great. Except it’s not. Blowout. JEDBURGH

Mario Lord Winston

Nightnight. Gawdbless. Kiss for teddy. Same time next time? Thought so.

Next Week: The effervescent wonders of Silent Hill 2, why Sinistar and ladies don’t mix, and… and… AND… The History Of Llamasoft Part One, written by the Yakbeast himself. Miss it, and we’ll smack you.

The original rodent, February 13th 2004

top ten…

Top Ten Unlockable Characters, by NITEBYCANDLELITE, AND FRIENDS

10. Play Speedball 2 without sleep, to unlock John Belushi
9. Collect all the ‘raspberry’ tokens in Beserk, to unlock Sir Stephen Hawking
8. Free NYC in Freedom Fighters to, unlock George W. Bush (eat our irony, just lap it up with a big old spoon, motherfucker)
7. Enable the ‘naked’ cheat in Tomb Raider, to unlock Keith Chegwin
6. Pay a prostitute in Grand theft Auto 3, to unlock Lord Archer
5. Slaughter a librarian in Dino Crisis, to unlock Barney the Friendly Dinosaur
4. Score $100,000,000 on crash junction 19 - "Michael Winner Must Die" in Burnout 2, to unlock that cunt from the "Calm down dear, it's only an advert" advert
3. Lie a lot, and act all smarmy in Leisure Suit Larry 6, to unlock Tony Blair
2. Swallow your own huge nose in Pimania, to unlock Rik Waller
1. Choose the evil cow in Black & White, to unlock Anne Robinson

last week's issue:

On squirrels and sparkles. All-New Eugene Jarvis Interview. SICKBOY

Shooting the shit with 'Huge Euge'. JEFF ‘YAK’ MINTER

Cruis’n USA – proper racing – not driving. REV. STUART CAMPBELL

Defender – the highs, the highers, the seaside humiliations. XSTREME

Euge's Smart Bomb - the original and still the best. Jedburgh

Blaster – one of Euge’s more… lateral moments. It’s ace, says FUSEBALL

Stargate – Defender 2, or what Defender was always meant to be? GRAVY

One more time? A repeat for our award-winning Robotron review SICKBOY

One man’s lunatic challenge – to write a version of Robotron on the Neo Geo Pocket Colour – in a week. AHCHAY

Eugenius wallpapers, get 'em while they're hot. KOWORLD

And, of course - the T-Shirt. Limited stocks, available now. KOWORLD

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