| your
pain is my plaything!
 
It is me, myself and,
in absolutely every sense, I – Kun-Tor.
I trust I find you in not-unreasonable physical
and emotional discomfort.
Now, be silent…
The crumpled whelps who claim dominion over
this sordid little grief-hole are claiming to be “getting
things ready for next week’s Special Christmas Issue”,
and, hence, I have temporarily lowered myself to overseeing a
‘Best Of Rodent 2003 Special Pre-Christmas Bumper Special’.
Personally, I find your continued interest in
these mawkish musings rather cheap and loathsome. But, I must
concede – some of the works featured here did afford me
an infrequent tickle of passing approval and all – I say,
ALL, are (it says here) “marinated in the very essence of
original videogaming spirit”.
Jesus.
another chance to see…
Each piece has been carefully and independently
selected by another Rodent writer – for the reasons documented
below the selection. Goodness me, if it isn’t like some
repellent little love-in over at the Vanity Publishing House…
Click on 'why?'
to find out why each piece was chosen (including Kun-Tor's view),
then click-on the usual colour-coded button to read that piece
(ALL ARTICLES HAVE BEEN REMASTERED AND UPDATED FOR YOUR READING
PLEASURE).
‘Of Tetris And Hair’ by jimaroid
'why?'
‘October Boxing Day' by themeadows
'why?'
Robotron Revoo by
sickboy 'why?'
'Clicks, Tricks & Cider-Sicks' by
sickboy 'why?'
‘Psst! Hey, kid! Wanna buy some gear?’ by
jimaroid 'why?'
‘Hail The King!’ by
mamemeister 'why?'
'Last Night, A Videogame Saved My Life' by
sickboy 'why?'
‘Creak, Creak, PLAP!’ by
simonb 'why?'
‘Steves’ by
themeadows 'why?'
'Lager and Potions' by
mamemeister 'why?'
KUN-TOR’S SPECIAL
RESERVE
And finally, a few further reasons to continue
breathing, all selected by my own personal taste glands…
F-Zero GX Revoo by ahchay
‘Just One More Go…’ by
koworld
WE7 Revoo by ely
‘A Thousand Words’ by
fuseball
‘Once Upon A Pivotal Christmas’
by truemetaluk
‘Made In Wario’ by pond
‘Margate 1984’ by barryx
‘Kun-Tor 1’ by me
Read them, now. Read them, all. And then
get down on your scabrous knees and thank whichever mish-mash
spiritual composite you deem your ‘God’ for the efforts
of these people. They didn’t have to do it, you know. They
just did. Cynics, scoffers, hackers, chin-strokers, eyebrow-raisers…
ask yourself this – what have YOU done, this year? Eh?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?
Begone, myself.
Next week –
The Big Boy’s Bumper Rodent Christmas Issue.
December 12th 2003
___________________________________________________________________
‘Of Tetris And Hair’ by
jimaroid (chosen
by fuseball)
WHY:
“Captures that ‘lazy summer with nothing to
do’ feeling so perfectly. Well – nothing except play
games and figure out what girls are there for”.
 
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
You,
sonny, wouldn’t know what to do with a girl if she sat in
your lap and began to slowly caress your ever-tumescing penis.
I’ll bet.
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____________________________________________________________________
‘October Boxing Day' by
themeadows
(chosen by sickboy)
WHAT ON EARTH POSSESSED HIM:
“For the sense of how ‘realistic’ videogames
can never compete with real life. Beautifully written, with just
the right balance of detail and love”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Love for Kun-Tor is the only
true love.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
Robotron Revoo by
sickboy
(chosen by jimaroid)
PLEASE, WITH OPTIMUM RAPIDITY, DO
TELL US WHY:
“It makes me laugh like a little schoolgirl and it has the
word ‘fuckpig’ in it. That's fun for all the family”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
I frequently have my own kind of fun
with last-human-families. I bludgeon them and eat their bones…
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Little Kun-Tor joke, there. You see? I am
not above this ‘Festive Gladness’.
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____________________________________________________________________
'Clicks, Tricks & Cider-Sicks'
by sickboy
(chosen by mamemeister)
TELL US WHY!!!!:
“It made me laugh from start to finish
and I thought it was great”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Since a sense of humour is a sign of
weakness, Kun-Tor does not laugh. He is only interested in the
following verbal ejaculations: bellow, roar, blurt, snarl, expectorate.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
‘Psst! Hey, kid! Wanna buy some
gear?’ by jimaroid
(chosen by ely)
WHY, DAMN YOU:
“A totally wonderful piece that read
like it could be made into an East End Gangster Flick”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
A ‘gangster’ once tried to
rob Kun-Tor. I ate his pancreas. With some haricot beans and a
nice glass of child tears.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
‘Hail The King!’
by mamemeister
(chosen by koworld)
EXPLAIN YOURSELF:
“Because you could make a movie of
it. Just that one story has all the fucked-up hobby magic of home
computing in it, and it’s written like a dream”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Does ‘Destroyer Of Worlds’
count as a hobby?
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
'Last Night, A Videogame Saved My Life'
by sickboy
(chosen by SIMONB)
WHY OH WHY:
“Mainly because the last line makes
me wanna throw a sickie next week and get to grips with an early
Chrismas present to myself”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
In my world, illness is a form of art.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
‘Creak, Creak, PLAP!’
by simonb
(chosen by truemetaluk)
AND WHY WOULD THAT BE, THEN?
“I remember spending a few days earlier
this year vegetating on the Internet while nursing a truly horrible
cold. Whilst sipping at my Lemsip, I read all of Simon B’s
articles and momentarily forgot about my aching limbs, sore throat
and frankly disturbing nasal emissions. Great stuff and very well
written”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Kun-Tor has many powers – a favourite
is my ability to sneeze flesh-scorching acid into the eyes of
my foes. Also, the squawking frenulum thing.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
‘Steves’ by
themeadows
(chosen by ahchay)
WHY, WHY, WHY?
“It perfectly recreates that lost
time when arcade machines were everywhere – even in grotty
corners of otherwise unremarkable places”.
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Amusement arcades on my homeland were
the scene of many cataclysmic high-score clashes. This one time,
a guy called ‘Scorelord’ thought he could have me
at two-player Nemesis. I went first. He was forced to stand there
and keep his girlfriend amused with small-talk for seventy-two
days, until I lost my first life.
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
'Lager and Potions' by
mamemeister
(chosen by themeadows)
THE REASON BEING?
"He could have been describing one
of my own night's out in the late '80s. Made me laugh, too. Felt
sorry for the bus driver..."
KUN-TOR SAYETH:
Following a heated discussion over the
Phazon Moon Incident, Kun-Tor does not see his 'friends' much.
Maybe he will call Dave over Christmas…
BACK TO TOP
____________________________________________________________________
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Way of the Rodent and Smart Circle
Limited accept no responsibility for the content of the related
forum or for the content of articles, written by third-parties,
re-published on this site. Writers' opinions are their own and
do not reflect those of the owners of WotR or of Smart Circle
Limited. WotR and Smart Circle Limited disclaim all liability
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