way of the rodent
fresh every friday #14

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Your life re-lived
 


"I’ve managed to survive perfectly happily without giving Trent Reznor any of my money so far, so why do I need Nine Inch Nails soundtracking my attempts to play Quake?”
AHCHAY

 

top ten…

TOP TEN… POOR EXCUSES FOR STAYING UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING VIDEOGAMES INSTEAD OF JOINING YOUR REALLY SEXY WIFE/GIRLFRIEND IN BED…
10. “I disturbed a burglar who challenged me to a best-of-three session on two-player Galaga”.
9. “
I’ve made a decision. I will no longer tolerate reality in this house”.
8. “
I just couldn’t stop. I’m afraid I’m very ill”.
7. “
I’ve become a convert to a religion based around videogames and I was simply worshipping at the altar which, to you, looks like a PlayStation 2”.
6. “
I got a high score. It was like being a kid again. Right, here comes your very horny fourteen-year-old Lust Machine. Rrraaww…”.
5. “
I got talking to the Spider God who lives up the fireplace, and just lost track of time”.
4. “
It was research. I write about video-games professionally and I have to ‘live the life’”.
3. “
I had sex with the cat so many times, there wasn’t any left for you”.
2. “
I was constructing a special penile peripheral which plugs into the Gamecube so I can do it with little Viewtiful Joe”.
1.
“Crush! Maim! Destroy!”


 

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call of greatness…

A couple of weeks ago, we were banging on about a liddle game called The Italian Job and how it was actually a lot of fun, despite low-key press and grumpy reviews.

It feels like we could be in for a funny period – with sleeper hits eclipsing the hyped-to-the-tits. For every Tony Hawk’s Underground, there’s a Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time. As Project Gotham 2 is shrugged at, Need For Speed Underground is ogled as the most buxom driving game in town. See also Italian Job over True Crime, if you really insist.

The point is – you love what you love, regardless of ground-breaking tech-specs or the size of the standees in Game. That’s why we try to reflect strong emotions in the Rodent reviews – love or hate… a recommendation or a warning. There’s enough 65% mediocrity and committee reviews, out there. When you read a Rodent review, you’re jacked in to the passion of the writer alone – ain’t no high and mighty editorial moral high-ground, round these parts.

Just sayin’.

extra irony for me, please…

Man cannot live on oatcakes and Tizer, alone. He occasionally needs original videogaming spirit…

KEEP IT DOWN! More Arcade Nirvana from AHCHAY

Dragon Tales of fine, upstanding Kick Off 2 bonding. ELY

Pit Fighter. Otherwise known as ‘Rubbish… I mean, Shit Fighter’. NBCL

Drive on, Silver Girl. In your car. Need For Speed Underground. PAULEMOZ

Updates! YOU

By popular demand (honestly), he returneth… KUN-TOR


An artist’s impression of the Way Of The Rodent ‘Review Parlour’.

All done, mum. Again, we must say this: thank you, thank you to all the beautiful people who have been clicking through and spending money with our affiliates (over a thousand pounds with Amazon, alone). You are the wind beneath our duvets.

Next week – Games among friends. The great, great ‘mad skillz’ debate…


THE ORIGINAL RODENT november 28th 2003
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