it’s heeeeere…

The fireworks are spent. The annual three weeks of intermittent shrieks and filling-dislodging shudders is over. The Ferrero Rocher adverts have begun…

We have seen the near-future and it is the Argos Festive Catalogue. It won’t be long now, before your television says this: “There’s a feast of entertainment this Christmas on the BBC!”

Whatever. The Victor and Victoria Meldrews among you can indulge in the standard bleats about Christmas being “too commercial”. We plan to have some fun. For gamers, it’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times. So many games, too many games. Still, be happy… It’s the one time of year when not playing games makes you look freakish. If only someone would invent a PS2 multiplayer version of Operation.

Tsch. These editorials about Christmas. They get earlier every year.

no sudden movements…

“Gawd bless you, guv’nor. Here! It’s me livelihood. But I want you to have it… It’s this week’s consignment of original videogaming spirit…”

“You wait. Time passes…” THEMEADOWS

Ever fancied your own arcade cabinet? A labour of lust from JUNOSIX

Although we are blighted, will we not rise again? POND

Keep that fucking racquet down! Ping Pong, by ELY

Mario Kart: Double Dash. Bless its flimsy little panties SICKBOY

They're touching each other in that 'special' place.

Weeeeell. A-hick, a-hick. We’re through, here. You mind how y’all go, d’ya hear? And don’t be a stranger. And close the fucking door on the way out – it’s freezing.

Next week – GAME GODS REUNITED. Finally. Definitely. Honestly. Promise. Probably.

THE ORIGINAL RODENT november 7th 2003
Now taking submissions in any and all categories!

REALLY IMPORTANT NOTICE - A RETRACTION OF A RETRACTED RETRACTION #3
Within Way of the Rodent #10 we retracted our retraction relating to our suggestion that it could be reasoned that George Lucas is a complete cunt. I don't mean that we are taking back our retraction but rather that our retracted retraction was inadequate. We do not for one moment think that George Lucas is a cunt. He is a kind man who likes Ewoks. That's not very cuntish at all really. Now Saddam Hussein; there's a complete cunt. He'd probably do a better job of the dialogue and directing though.

top ten…

AS-YET UNCLAIMED FILM LICENSES:
10. Requiem For A Dream (Rhythm -action game)
9. The Sorrow And The Pity (First-Person Shooter)
8. Cannibal Holocaust (Kirby clone)
7. The Exorcist (Sports sim)
6. Schindler’s List (Real-Time Strategy)
5. American History X (Puzzler)
4. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife And Her Lover (Mario spin-off)
3. Nil By Mouth (RPG)
2. Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer (Survival Platformer)
1. Jerk Your Cum Crayon And Colour Me White (Tetris clone)